Jun Wei.
Joseph.
Li Xin.
Emily.
TPPC.
Wai Hong.
Gerald.
Constance.
Daryl.
Daven.
Li Wei.
Marcus Chua.
Marcus Lay.
Samantha.
Shu Han.
Tzyy Wei.
December 2008 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 April 2012
Long long time since I do this. As a matter of fact i didnt have time be4. Im slowly getting more and more time. thinking bout the things i wan to do yet unmotivated by circumstance and powerless against. All seems like excuses well i know too. This year im actually very sad. Put aside challenges i cant even do simple thing what more things can i think about. Totally missed gd friday and easter this year oh and enrolment service too. Seriously whats wif me, first year i missed everything in this season. Can some1 jus punch me hard and give me a gd wake up call, I really need a 1x gd 1.
The year has change its another time to get use to writing dates wif the new year... Reviewing the recent events and the past memories. Really alot had changed. Things aren't the way they r be4 and neither do I. Sometimes i wonder if changing is really for the better anot. Is it taking a step back can really resolve problems. Life isnt as easy as I was taught to live. It inst as easy as following values and doing right anymore.
Probably this gonna be the last or at least 1 of the last post of the year. This year have passed by very fast from christmas to chirstmas it feel as though they r back to back. The reason y this year is fast, its probably becos of the turning point in life where every1 moved on to the next phase.
Dunno when it started... I've become numb, very numb. I no longer feel much emotions and my view of things has changed. Do not wan to care too much do not wan to know much. Im all stress up and have lost track of myself. Sometimes I find it really nice to not know anything. Somehow ignorant is bliss haha.
What an eventful day i had today. Dunno if i should be happy or sad. Finally i had my persistant chest pain checked. Its was a roller coaster ride. First i went to the Medical center in my camp to get my condition check as this few days im not feeling well and i mentioned chest pain. The moment the word reach the Medical Officier's ear its like im doom. He suggest me to do a ECG test in the medical facility and even though the results was told to be normal he insist in sending me to CGH for further check to ensure nth happen. So I went for it wif a very heavy heart thinking it might turn out bad and affect my course esp now its the most crucial stage of my course. If anything screw up I will lose my shot in the new found interests of mine. Bac to the topic, at CGH did afew check which includes ECG again and did a X-ray. The doc says im very healthy and is unable to define the cause of my chest pain. But through the X-ray at my chest pain area some abnormal signs is spotted but rest assured by the doc as the doc say its should be no big deal. Despite saying it i was referred to a lung specialist to have it further check, very assuring indeed -.- Appointment has been made now waiting to hear what the specialist have to say. Im very worry bout it now. Though i have similar chest pain in the past but its not as frequet as it is now. I really praying very hard nth will happen to me. Finally the long awaited results is out im in sniper specialisation haha^^ When this weapon course start actually i wasnt very keen about the course till i got to know the existance of sniper specialisation and it has become my aim since then. Today the final results is out after much changes in the list of ppl im glad my name is a constant throughout haha^^ At first i really am very scare that i will be taken out of the course as my fitness barely met the requirement of the course. Now im in haha im very happy. Finally sth cool in commando haha^^ Gonna be a commando sniper haha^^ jus by the sound of that thrills me. Now i aiming to be the top gun of sniper course. Im a person who is very highly motivation moved haha^^ During BMT i actually thinking what am i actually doin in commando for, i mean if its for the air borne i wont even join commando in the first place. Dragging myself through BMT hoping that air borne will hurry come. But now i have sth new to fight for finally im starting to burn in the flames of passion once again. I will always get what i wan as long as i work hard.
The lighning outside my window is disturbing but i jus cant help but staring into the deep sky. Heavy thoughts have clouded my life. Depress over many things. Infact its jus 1 chain to another. My heart is feeling rather heavy like there is tonnes of weigh tied down to it. My life has turned heavy. Hope the bright sun will rise soon and remove this dark feeling in my life. I dun wan to feel down. Guess im jus tired ba. Will be ok after i take a break from things i suppose. The week hasnt been gd both physically and esp mentally. Physical is due to tough training, totally insane training. Well at least now is better as its kinda like what i expected in commandos not the typical slack life i live through BMT. Really improved alot more over the pass 1 week than what i have in the pass 3 months. Gd thing for my physical i suppose, i really hope things like this work for the mind oso. Sadly it doesnt. Guess i have been put through great emotional stress recently. Now i really am scare. Literally scare, scare of another bombing of emotional matters. Esp when all this bombing comes untimely and often unexpected, it always catch you when you r least prepared. How i wish i can be more prepared for it everytime it happens. I really wan to be able to take everything and really support but guess after the recent serial bombing im still not strong enuf. Reaching my limit alr, need a break after the break i will come back stronger. Having seroius money issue. Unexpected bomb dropped wiped out my entire bank balance. Now it pathetically left 1 dollar. Really hope next pay day will come sooner. Really very broke now. Let see if my money will come bac even the by smallest amaont oso ok at least i will have sth to survive on. Never in my life i have been so broke be4 this is really the first time. Hope this dark period will end soon. I swear i will never become so broke ever again.
Well without the block leave it seems like i didnt POP at all. Tonite im going bac in to that shithole. Without the block leave oso have create quite the trouble for me. Have been stress like hell for different things for the pass 1 week its really hell ttm. Though i do not wish to think this way but im starting to hate ppl alr, my bunk mates esp. Out of this stress comes alot of disappointment though it may not appear to others this way but it sure do affect me alot. My mum is rite i never get wat i really wan in life, well mainly on the big things. Im super disheartened when a certain result was release. Even though that happen i still have to smile my way through so not to show my weakness in front of others in any way. Im really very sad and depress dun any1 know it? Dun the ppl who r close to me knows how i will feel? :( Y is there no1 out there even try to understand me. Am i really so detestable or am i jus disposable? Pass 9 weeks I have to keep self motivate my self through everything without any support. Im really tired seriously i am. Every week come out jus to get lesser and lesser each week to go bac in now im emptied. Look on the bright side at least im not at the negative range yet but maybe soon enuf. Im seriously very empty and tired. I really hope i can hold onto sth but i have none to hold. Im tired to meet ppl's need and expectations cos it left me with nth. Every1 jus take a piece of me but who is there to top me up so that i can be taken by ppl. In camp oso got problem out of camp oso have problem what difference does it make. Im not emo but im really dying to grab a support rite now cos i seriously know i need 1 now. I jus wan to get wat i wan sometimes is it really that hard to give me what i wan? Am i so hard to pleased. I feel like i dun even have my stand anymore now every1 jus step over my head.