^^IcyWorld ^^

~~Monday, June 28, 2010~~

12:33 AM

Woke up at 1240+ told myself to do work for today. End up running his errand and bball wif bros so didnt get to do anywork at all.

Fixed the laserdisc console at hm and every1 in the family except my bro are overjoy. My dad and mum is like talking bout old times, well for me i remember i spend my childhood wif too. Well from the time im using it till now im fixing it have jus shown how much i have grown. A day wif my family jus feel so different. I really long time never be wif family le.

HL call again to remind me bout bball today, upon waking up i tot of not going de but somethings happen wif my mood spoiled i agreed in the end. Played till 8+ only then went to eat wif Joseph. Almost puke cos straight eat after sports. Ate at popeye cant finish and gave 1 piece of chicken to Joseph.

Reached hm saw faimly watching tv then join them until show end. Bathed on lappy to listen music facebk and now blog. Starting work after this guess tonite not sleeping le. Gonna chiong my work no matter wat have to discipline myself for work le. Lose too much time le.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Saturday, June 26, 2010~~

1:05 AM

So wat now im wrong again jus becos being nice to ppl WOW HOW AMAZING. Dunno who is behind this dun think wan to guess either but its seriously upsetting me. To noe things of such details only there is 1 person dun think i need to guess either. Well wats wrong wif ppl? Treat ppl nice cannot, then i wan black face cannot. So wat now!!! If expressing myself is wrong then fine then!!! I jus be some emotionless living zombie then. Jus becos sth i cannot do for 1 person doesnt mean i cant help the others. SO does this means im not allowed to move on in life or should i say im suppose to be stuck in this endless loop of pain and suffering as torture. Cant i have new friends, well it seem that way.

Y dun ppl understand me!!!! ROAR!!!! Well guess that only my true bros out there understand me more than any1 who think they r. At least they noe my intentions clearly and not over question or doubt me. THEY HAD TRUST. I never disappoint them too never. Awesome bros i had in life. Though they cant provide much help in advising but surely they understand and stood by me giving me encouragement even wif jus bball they r bringing me out of my misery. Wat did the rest of the ppl has done well i shall not oversay anything.

Shall blog sth bout bball. Its destructive again today. China ppl r rough >< got 1 person threw the ball infront of me straight at my face. Im fuming mad after that and played rough bac. Same injury but worsen, some how enjoying the pain i receive. Felt the challenge in my heart. Only desire to grow stronger even at the cost of myself like how i use to be. A monster i am indeed. Now i got new court name seem that my past name dun apply anymore. My name as a monster has ended now im call bulldozer for some stupid reason im like wat the heck. Won all my matches but some is wif the help of strong players, I wanna be stronger and only depend on my own strength again to win.

After long hrs of bball, i realised that my body has seriously weaken physically. Well at near end of the whole period i can feel my muscles r not responding to my tots much though i still have the stamina to carry on. My body cant catch up wif my stamina thats sth i haven felt in a long time. Think this is wat i get from long time no sports. I have to train myself bac. Re-live my motto once again. "Break the limit of all limits, to believe wif an unwaver heart" I will not stray from my motto in life again i swear.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Friday, June 25, 2010~~

11:09 AM

Sky, u finally answered my call. The Cold Melody of the Rain is really the best gift u can ever give. Thanks. Its has really been long since u had given that to me le. Jus reminds me of how long have i not been this sad until like recently.

The 1 that understand me the most and speak of my feeling is really Sky. I choose not to believe its coincidental, cos ever since sec 2 im gd wif weather. it always appears that only when im sad it rains. Its extremely sunny when im happy.

To my greatest support/buddy ever you have my greatest thanks. For now i will jus enjoy what you have given me and i shall emerge stronger.

Breaks the limit of all limit, to believe wif an unwaver heart.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Thursday, June 24, 2010~~

2:30 AM

After some gd old songs i used to listen. Guess wat bac into the destructive basketball world. Roughness, self destruct, injuries well that pretty much wat i get in a sucidal bball match. Launching myself into ppl's elbow, Take a charging person head on and other stupid things i do. It was fun the pain was fun. Great way to de-stress aint it haha^^

Migraine attacked me badly. Well guess im still alrite. Cant die from it. Thanks for every1 that cared bout me. Im fine really. Thanks HL for asking me to play bball. Its really hard to forget. Even till now shadows and images keep passing through my brain.

Tml another day of MC. Hope i can tidy up the mess in my life and start afresh when friday starts. I dun wan to effect ppl arnd me seriously and i dun wish to throw fake smile either. i really hope i able to pick myself up and move again by friday.

Bac into the cradle im from, a monster how i use to be. Loneliness is my companion.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Tuesday, June 22, 2010~~

1:59 PM

At this moment of time, went bac to listen to the old music i used to listen. Come across my favorite song titled Stand by me by The Brilliant Green. The feeling jus overwhelm me. Sadly looking bac from where i am now. I have lost everything. Wat is this meaningless life to me now.

Tears jus wan to burst out of me now. Dunno how long will I be able to hold bac. At this point of time even the Sky dun stand by me. Wat do i have left other than a broken self. Is there any1 or anything out there that hears my cry?

A cup of milk a day..

~~Monday, June 21, 2010~~

10:59 PM

Whats wrong wif my world AGAIN! Roar it all upside down. Wats wrong wif the break up! Wats wrong wif me! I dun even noe myself anymore. Wat am i suppose to do. Another pain i cant erase :( the more i see her the more i am angry wif myself. Well letting go of 1 past only to jump into another mess or rather past since it has already pass.

Dun even noe where im heading to. I hate the chains of bondage. I hate being bind and restraint. I Love my Freedom but for now when i jus got it bac im lost on wat do i need to do wif it. Yet another hurdles i need to overcome.

Im confuse sth had budge in my life without me knowing without alerting my security. It hard to chase it out. Yet im in another deep mess now. Can any1 salvage me. Y do ppl have emotions. Y am I such an emotion failure :( Tots of giving up myself is strong this few days :( I wonder how long can i last be4 i lose myself again :(

A cup of milk a day..

~~Tuesday, June 15, 2010~~

11:40 PM

Well there is always a degree of incapability ppl has i suppose. When it clearly that some1 is not up to it, y bother to even open their mouth about how incompetent they r. What is it? Gain Sympathy from people? I suppose so in my context of understanding.

Every1 is in a learning process but I admit that as im seeking improvement every moment i had. Who is not learning, come on man! But i clearly wan to speak in a leadership point of view here is that if some1 as incapable as for the leadership role wat is goin to be affected is jus the followers under the leader. For example if a governor is governing this city, and yet is incapable or finding excuse to cover another excuse or their incapability, the people in the city is so gonna suffer. Well can the governor get away wif it jus by saying im in a learning process whereby jeopardizing the life of so many in his/her hands. Whats the point of this governor staying on? Jus to fill in the place cos there is vacancy?

In a leadership role, there is time constraint. Not much time is given to jus to catch up to wats not up to it either. Clearly from wat i noe is that theres alot of wasted time which had already blown off the suppose learning period while its spent doin sth else. Its close to half a year and y now then start to pick up? By when then the proper leading take place? Maybe after the AY or so? There ar things where people always say its never too late, but there are things that will be too late too.

Even though at the the start was bad but now can see improvement in every1, except 1. Well some idiom got it rite, Empty vessel makes the loudest sound. Others who have improved, stayed quietly wif knowing their own responsibility they have to handle.

Well y the sudden hold bac and wan to stay on after such determination to leave previously? I have yet to figure out. All I can say is stop toying wif people's emotions!

Once again i would like to emphasize PC is my life, anything bad that is gonna do wif it I will not let it pass easily.
OVER MY DEAD BODY!!!

A cup of milk a day..

~~Sunday, June 13, 2010~~

10:08 PM

Jus ended PCIC. Its a camp for ppl dunno wat PCIC mean.

Im happy about how the freshies are bonded. its really amazing I love seeing the united batch of freshies haha^^

The managing work is sth tedious. Full chiong for 2 days. Regretted never bring my knee guard. I really prayed very hard that the food will turn out well, well i guess it did. I almost burst into tears when when i heard its ok and the freshies like it yesterday. This year's food really have alot of hiccup. Pretty much impromptu.

Well to apologies for shouting down from second floor from Audi it was my unableness to move down thats y i did it. Not to pinpoint ppl but all out for freshies to not for them to instill the wrong idea to them. well i can close 1 eye be lenient in alot of things but not in show or technical base stuff. I really hate ppl wif not gd foundation to teach others the wrong thing. What is the point to say things jus for the sake of saying. To add into the number of point becos of the lack of points or wat. There are much more flaws to improve than those points which r for the sake of saying lor. If 1 is unable to point out the mistakes for the least please do not put wrong thing into other ppl. If these say for sake of saying kind of point please at least please emphasise its unsolvable or is inevitable. Got more problem to take care than those inevitable problems lor. Dun wan any freshies to learn the skill of 'self generated stress'.

About the camp I really dun have much to comment as most things r pretty much covered. Really its jus that 1 point that im fuming mad about.

Whoo! A tedious week wats best is to really see my gf bac in singapore haha^^ A pink dolphin plus strawberry plus yoko yoko is really alot of motivation after the camp haha^^

A cup of milk a day..