^^IcyWorld ^^

~~Thursday, July 30, 2009~~

5:53 PM

Woah after that day i drink till now i haven recover from the effect. This 2 day best never bring specs to sch = GG cant see a single thing on the board that teacher write, this 2 day super tired dunno y almost cant open my eyes and brain get saturated easily.

Even as im typing now im having a serious headache as i still cant go hm due to ppl still at SAR playing game haiz. Help is needed. I jus got devastated by the quiz in the morning 30 mark quiz fairly easy can score but i jus screwed it got a 8 mark question i cant answer sadded its about the bonds of proteins.

Well wat has gone into me lately as exam is coming instead of being more hardworking im slacking even more. Tend to shove work aside now i seroiusly need rest. Ppl r still pushing me well if im not that trustworthy y in the first place ask me to do. Y push if some1 refuses sth. Y Y Y???

Blood-shot eyes tio say by everybody haiz sadded. Oh great jus great im not feeling very gd now cos jus did sth unnecessary and wrong, feeling super guilty it involve quite afew ppl. I shouldnt be that lame, wat has got into me argh im fustrated over it, over the fustration i did sth im more even not suppose to do but nvm wats done is done. Jus le me be ba it will fade off eventually i suppose jus dunno how slow it will be thats all.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Tuesday, July 28, 2009~~

11:52 PM

Atually i got alot wan thing wan to blog but after i drink now i forget most of them le haiz. Nowadays when i drink i sort of forget things jus now i got so many revelation bout ppl but now all gone.

I realise i can only be who i am infront of those 2 ppl, well i jus have dinner wif 2 of my old friends they really like know me and accept me for who i am dunno y when wif them i natually will turn bac to myself one wif a stand and idea have a freedom of speech can voice wat i feel without hesitation. Different ppl give different feeling but none speaks the lang of trust to me.

So close yet so far as i always feel. Wats the problem? i dunno oso. In need of a remedy

A cup of milk a day..

~~Monday, July 27, 2009~~

6:27 PM

Today rain like nobody business, I think maybe I can blame AC for it thank them for wearing off the rain for 2 days of rockamania haha:p I feel so gd today 2 hr of lesson only and i went hm to sleep wif the nice and cooling rain have a gd rest think im goin to sleep again after i post this. Get bac all the rest i miss haha super tired becos of rockamania.

Where is the passion?

Suddenly i feel like i see no passion. It not jus a feeling anymore it sth more solid now more visible also. Sadded no1 see that i believe ppl around always look on the superficial look alittle deeper and u might find sth different. Sth that need to be fixed. If i were to say certain things cannot self heal. Now its like fixing a clock's hand without fixing the gear, still the clock is not goin to work.

Rain always give me the cold and calm feeling.

Need to work hard le. I noe i can work but im jus lazy to do so, Sloth, now is really have to work for the sake of the grades le gonna achieve my target. Got some catching up work to do le.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Sunday, July 26, 2009~~

10:47 PM

Well again dunno y i think my hse internet got problem. Well 2 day of rockamania jus wat more could be better than this torture haha:p Today got scam it suppose to end 5 but it drag 2 more hr and end 7 best thing is start wif 3 set up crew and end wif 2 teardown crew wif that amount of logistic it close to impossible to complete but we survive wat took more than 4 ppl to do accomplish by 2 the feeling of satisfactory is jus great.
Really appreciate Wai Hong to come help in the morning set up.

Although i did some tricks but i guess no1 will noe haha:p Well i completed 2 out of 5 days the rest is up to the rest of the IC le i officially wash my hand of from rockamania already. I turn into a monster at the later half of the show. Tired but is an experience ppl dun usually gets.

Wat r the next upcoming challenges dunno but im looking forward to it haha well without knowing jus like be4 im putting more trust in ppl again and i think i need to withdraw again be4 sth happen. Wat is trust, Wat is believing in ppl, Wats more to wat they r capable of that i can trust? Dun feel like exploring it either retreat is still the best way to avoid unexpected hurt.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Saturday, July 25, 2009~~

11:37 PM

I got a feeling this post the font is goin to be small. Well wat has happen to blogger lately so many problem. Well i have the worst day in almost a year the last time i remember i suffer this much was during last year F1 period where i did a outside job being the runner in a conference seeing afew speaker talk for alot of hrs. Today i had the same situation seeing many different ppl climbing rock wall for very long hrs it not physical but mentally tired.

Im goin to cut half the logistic i bringing tml again same thing rock wall whole day. Hope to be productive tml i suppose. Im so not going to tell the rest about it let them figure out themselves haha im evil.

I wanna go for blood donation soon.

Need to plan stage for sch national day show

Constantly update from my sources the latest info
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Make the world revolve around u, its more fun to think that way.

To push the limit of a limit.

Everything will work out somehow.

There is no such thing as coincidence there is only inevitability.

To love some1 will make u weak but that is not true weakness, only those who acknowledge will truly become stronger.

If some1 is waiting, that place become a place to return to.

There is a real treasure, awaiting me to discover.

Where do i really belong?

A cup of milk a day..

12:10 AM

Dunno wat to say le ppl say it takes time it take time but wat they didnt notice is it not the problem wf time but wat igoin to happen then the time comes. Seriously to trust ppl is a very difficult thing for me to do i can be like every1 else but no1 sees it.

I kinda felt bless that there r always gd ppl arnd me every since i enter poly frinds which r worth making but the fact is i felt abit guilty too cos until now im still unable to trust any1 only recognize their goodness. Well in a sense that i feel that im only acknowledge for my strenght, not me as a person.

Dunno when the thing will happen dunno wat will happen either jus have to wait patiently. Now i realise all things r being made known for a reason and a cause. Well ppl learn as they fall, they fall as they learn. It not about the falling part but is the part where r u willing to pick urself up that matters.

Well seeing a certain some1 now really make me abit unhappy cos by jus seeing the state now that jus trying to laugh and jam and stuff things to get the way through somehow jus reminded me of how i use to be 1 1/2 yrs ago jus how pathetic i am.

Wat happen be4 is a past jus bring bac the memory that i think that first person i can trust yet end up leading me bac to distrust again. I think its still too early for me to taste the fruit of trust i suppose. When will the fruit be ripe. Dunno y i jus keep thinking that answer lies on the word relationship, it sound and feel wrong but the the intuition is really telling me that the answer lies there. Maybe jus have to wait thing will happen somehow, i believe in inevitibility. Wat wans to come will come eventually.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Thursday, July 23, 2009~~

11:52 PM

Well wat im goin to blog today. Nah cant voice much over here either. Jus fill in abit of info ba.

Meetings upon meetings jus got me thinking wat im actualy in this position for i dunno. Beside more responsibility i dun see much in it. The hatred againest a certian some1 is fading i oso starting to loss my purpose le.

I feel that i can be wat i am now anytime any position i dunnid a position to be like this lor seriously.

Im jus a sideline player, a helping hand thats all. Im never a frontline player neither i can command. Can work but cannot lead. I noe myself well enuf. Walking alone always, never important hardly exist. A mere shadow that fades away in darkness and get greater at the presence of strong lights.

A cup of milk a day..

11:52 PM

A cup of milk a day..

~~Wednesday, July 22, 2009~~

8:50 PM

Wat a Pissed-ful day today is!!! Not gonna say wat happen but in totally pissed.

I literally wasting most of my time nowadays. Many last min thing come up though every1 is feeling the stress but wat i feel is different it not about the stress but is about some other things. I wish i have a place where i can dump all my bad feeling at I have lost my 2 places le it really time to find new 1. The 2 place actually my hiding place and this blog. Due to too many ppl noe this blog i cant seem to blog everything i feel into here anymore.

Whenever i share this to the ppl who noes me, all only noe how to tell me to make a stand, learn to say no blah blah blah. I had enuf of this shit if i can make a stand i would have make it long ago. I jus do wat i can to where my ability takes me to. Wat im capable of i will do it wif standard wat im not capable of i will oso pick up from there and try my best to produce sastified work.

Well im on nobody's side either i jus noe things that happen between ppl, even i get piss about it y ppl have to become like this i really dunno.

Like i say i dun rely on ppl not i reject ppl, from the day i was born to the day i die its goin to be the same im on my own side. I stand by myself. In the end the one who stand by me is still myself.

>TIME TO BE SERIOUS<

A cup of milk a day..

~~Tuesday, July 21, 2009~~

8:36 PM

Bad day after bad day. Jus feel like i wan to be left alone now. Its like every step i take is another mistake that happens.

Today from early morning have to trouble a friend and till now i still feel super bad. It my mistake and carelessness that cause this. Afternoon presentation was quite a screw up thinking that im going to fail sociology. Link to my grades which is not that gd yet im thinking will i make it this sem will i meet my goal.

I simply ask Ben and Gerald this a question and i receive no upright answer guess its nth impt to them i suppose. Wats the bond that i have been tied to?

During lights training im super abnormal i notice hot then cold totally. Maybe is becos of the things around me that i have to settle in a short time ba dunno either. Seriously until now my jobs is stil not done yet that y and everything seem to cramp today.

Jus learn to accept le. I no longer hate the things 2 year ago and no longer hate the feeling of serious le. Cos i notice certain thing jus happen that u have to do the thing u hate most. Learn not to go by my own feeling but the best option. Im not posting this becos i feel down or wat im posting is simply the words of affirmation to myself and ppl i noe that i have stand up. To love someone make a person weak but that is not true weakeness, only those who recognize it will truly become stronger.

Life but a walking shadow, a chain of memories. A journey wif many possibilities but 1 ending. Accept it change it and twist it.

A cup of milk a day..

12:12 AM

Stand by me
By: The Brilliant Green
English translated lyrics

A long day ends
and disappears towards the door to the past
From it may be hurt, but
I want to see myself to be different

Can I try? “What Should I?”
The voice has been interrupted
The thinking that sleeps inside the box of memory
You’re always on my mind so…

So stand by me
Into the rusting world What else left there?
Show me star again, Someday
The invisible glitter,
Because of you that make me aware
yeah

If by peeping people’s inner heart
that can make me happy instantly
A thing that is not belongs to anyone else
although it is just a selfish wish

but, someday it will destroys
By touching the box of glass
There is no turning back for sure So..

Stand by me
In front of the door of the resignation and the wish
Standing firm for a long time
Because it is good to come true with a friend
Becoming a special of myself

To be able to cry for someone
I still don’t understand
Only by memories, love and sad
stand by me
stand by me yeah, baby

So stand by me
(So stand by me Oh)
yeah baby, stand by me
(You’re always on my mind)
If the invisible glitter is still there,
By walking, certainly
I wish to find it with you So..
stand by me

A cup of milk a day..

~~Sunday, July 19, 2009~~

9:05 PM

Dunno wat fate wan to play wif me. Seriously today is the worst day i every had really feel like swearing now but i shall control i will not do it. Hope this is the last event of today that i have to face if not i will rather jus die.

Today started out like this i woke up super early well guess it that i slept late last nite therefore headache in the morning. Go service wait for some1 at expo mrt see time still early i go 7-11 buy milk and drink outside 7-11 then next thing i noe i kana warning letter by the station master for drinking milk in the station. Thean after service got drag to eat and then some1 ps to watch harry potter then bo bian i have to fill in the space so dun waste the tix as it is pre book de, i end up wasting my time and money watching. I fell asleep dunring the show halfway and while sleeping some random guy come accuse me for sitting at his seat whereby the movie already show halfway le diao end up is he enter the wrong hall, I super angry cos he woke me up for this nonsense.

After I reach hm i went online do some clicking in facebk hoping to jus enjoy the music and jus relax. Guess wat the biggest bad thing happen today something that drive me out of my cool, i jus blow off in the instant when the thing happen. Headaches it feels like my world is spliting now toatlly. Brain feel like rupturing now!!!

A cup of milk a day..

~~Saturday, July 18, 2009~~

12:50 PM

Alot of questions last nite again. Well y do i think that way is it becos im use to it or it really becos of some emotional reasons. Talking bout insecure i dun think im so affected by it though i do feel insecure.

Well things come and things go this is a cycle its inevitable i suppose. It is becos of the past that i still cant put down that i still have resentment about the world and negative feeling bout love and relationships. Will there be a possibility that there will be some1 who can open me up once again.

I have seen rough diamond ready to be craft and i have tried to craft them, but who has seen me? Am i not a worthy material to be refined? Or even if im already refined cant i be improved further? I jus dun like the feeling of being stuck here at this level i wan to improve.

I believe this resentment is the greatest barrier for me now and too i believe if i overcome this barrier great things will be install for me at the other side of the barrier. Jus how do i conquer this barrier infront of me wat r my resources wat help do i have?

A cup of milk a day..

~~Friday, July 17, 2009~~

12:25 AM

Dunno wat to blog so blog some random stuff, I jus dun like to be serious still the feeling of everything in my surrounding is destroyed and broken is there. To devour or be devour? What is this resentment inside of me? Wat is moving me now? Wat is my source of power?

I find no water to put out the current fire, wat option do i have left? Is it time to use the last resort? hmmmm... i ask so many gd question but all no answer wats the use. Who am I really? Wat is my purpose? Y am i asking questions again.

Can tell that my brain is full of questions, seriously if my brain stop thinking for a min i feel that i will die. Keeping myself occupied is 1 thing being alert is another and constantly think of things at different angle is another. Ppl say me overlook on things abit too much sometimes but aint thinking gd u will recieve unexpected result or idea sometimes. Well i can think alot bout such thing but jus cant put myself to think for study wat for i oso dunno.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Tuesday, July 14, 2009~~

1:28 PM

Really where nth is build on strong foundation will falter easily. In jus in 1 week 2 thing that i have buried is been dug up so easily jus cant believe it how do they find it. Have i not conceal it well? Totally clueless.

Still dun have gd feeling about it but once its surface means i have to do sth about it le. Everything is at hypothesis stage i still cant affirm anything yet and im not goin to let it mislead my thoughts.

Every world has its own story though it may cross path wif other world but still every world's story is unique by its own well for me a new chapter has begun where will the story leads me to and how will this chapter end its still a mystery but the thing i can be certain is i will do my best to write the best chapter of my life ever.

一段情两颗心三个字是我爱你
无聊时就溜出去期待每天在一起
巴不得粘着你就这样的不分离
十全十美的爱情从一到十等于我和你

A cup of milk a day..

~~Sunday, July 12, 2009~~

4:33 PM

The frozen gear finally started to spin, things are starting to move. A new story is goin to be unravel where should I be what role am I in this story and what is the ending goin to be like.

Dark clouds hovering, lightning strikes, thunder claps and the cold rain to fall and pound into my heart. Awaken me from this sleep, Awaken my soul. Its time to really reveal what I am made off. Who says by 1 man's strength cannot destroy a society. Im going to change and face things which I have been running away all this time.

It my choice from now, no1 can catches the wind only follows. I will pass through a new wind and a new road will definitely be open, if there is no roads that will end well i will just create 1 on my own then.

Sry for the past for not been who I really am and not who I should be. Now im clear of my identity I can change the thing and right my wrongs. My 100% confidence is back

A cup of milk a day..

~~Thursday, July 9, 2009~~

8:03 PM

This week I have lost track of time le until i literally make all the chrono mistake that 1 can ever make is quaranthine reallt that bad i can say yes its super bad for me now.

Went to sleep at around 5, I had my most fearful dream ever not over sth im scare but is over sth that is impossible to change in that dream i keep getting into different situation in 1 area and that is always againest the society and the world turn dark wif few different encounter wif few of the not so close friend that i had both causing and saving from all kinds of trouble. Guess i realise sth the thing that i have forgotten that i posted previously.

Its Trust, i think i put too much trust in the ppl around me le that i even forgot the other side of heart that ppl might prosess, I totally let my guard down even put down my weapon of defense wat has happen to me. Its a sheer cold feeling that i have now, didnt have a gd rest but things r starting to come bac to me.

Lucky this thing come be4 anything bad happen if not i will be left open to attacks, pick up my weapon once again and start walking.

Staring into the calendar make me feel mess up all of a sudden i lost track of time till i mess up my schedule this sat is goin to be dead for me i agreed to serve this sat while forgetting that there is a Training this sat too. Well when all things fails i jus wan to be left alone, with dark cloud hovering waiting for the rite moment for the rain to fall to calm me. Mood seriously is very bad now :(

A cup of milk a day..

~~Wednesday, July 8, 2009~~

1:55 PM

Today isnt quite a gd day got force to wake up at 9am alot had happen including got scold haiz its kinda become a routine of my life le.

Was hoping for the day to be productive but in the end i think i goin to waste it again cos i cant convice myself to start studying and worse is 1 got 2 PBL on hand which i dun even feel like doin.

Have been listening to music doin push up and sit ups all day still feel like doin i wan to go out to the sun its getting more and more unhealthy stucking at hm sianz i become white again my effort for the past 2 month go to waste again

Well today sth occur to me that really make me think cos the feeling is i think i have forgotten sth very impt in my life and i cant seem to recall wat is it. Does any1 noes hypnotisim can hypnotise me and allow me to recall it. Now i really feel that my life got a missing piece its very incomplete.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Tuesday, July 7, 2009~~

9:51 AM

Wat a JOKE Haha now I dun even noe whether I should be happy or sad haha. Yesterday was so happening yet today anti climax haha I shall blog wat happen yesterday first well basically it started exactly 12am cos I ask Tzyy Wei wake me up to do project but i was dragging all the way till 2+ am still haven start then i call my friend Jian Wei for supper.

We talk lot of thing all the way till 4+ am sia then this topic arise is about sch about the project that I dun feel like doin he told me the deadline was actually that day i was stun then i go hm chiong proj to 6am then sleep woke up at 8 go lab 9 hr straight wif breaks inbetwwen but use to final touch up the project so literally starve the whole day.

Then after lab meet up wif Tzyy Wei to celebrate her bdae i was rather clueless of wat am i doin oso cos im been zombiefied after a long day wif no coffee and jus 2 hr of sleep. We went Sakae Sushi to eat after that wander arnd aimlessly then we went on a cycling trip again cycle arnd aimlessly then finally home sweet home haha

That was like 11+ I went into my rm sweating and my bro on the aircon so i literally sit inside blow aircon for like 1/2 hr be4 i go bath then i go sleep early morning today i recieve a msg be4 i can reply i got a call and next thing i noe i got quaruntine haiz now im jus resting at hm.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Sunday, July 5, 2009~~

8:03 PM

Woah i survive 2 session of service wif a cup of coffee only well today i wear until super thick then i go play wif the aircon of the rm that i incharge to suit my wear so in gerneral i created an artic. Poor Emilie joined me since morning and she forgot to bring her jacket can imagine how she suffer inside the conference rm le haha.

I realise sth my CG is extremely slow they wan to go eat after the event i was suppose to be happy cos i super hungry that time but after awhile i sianz diao cos they super draggy go in the end i jus walk off and find my own food to eat leaving them behind le. Went to brought subway at T1 then go hm eat and watch show at the same time shiok haha. A hungry man is a angry man rawr so dun mess wif the hungry me.

It rains finally the weather is perfect for hibernating cos is so cooling oh my god i can knock out anytime then some1 called to stop me from sleeping for no reason i think is becos her bdae coming in few hrs time she too overly excited le haha. Anyway now my brain is saturated le if im goin to continue to type it will all be crap.

Gd nite seeya next season i goin to hibernate le RAWR the Grizzly Bear is hibernating disturb at ur own risk.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Saturday, July 4, 2009~~

11:25 AM

Bad day Bad day Bad day Bad day!!!!!! Its has been getting worse each day i jus screw up my training yesterday and today yesterday is becos of tireness and today is becos of sth else at least my point get through lah i think that is wat matters in the end.

It jus so happen that i dun even noe wat im thinking rite now my mind dunno wat to decide on wat to believe wat to trust wat to do. Many have share the same POV but dunno y i jus cant accept it into my mind is it i stubborn or do i trust myself more than i trust them where i dun even understand myself.

Am i goin to continue to be like this wat options do i have this time, wat will i face. This is not a crossroad anymore its a multiple split way each leads to a disatreous outcome.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Friday, July 3, 2009~~

1:54 AM

Well sometimes i jus dun understand myself well enuf that i think im to blunt to myself i dun feel much myself but i feel alot for my environment or ppl around me.

Today very bu shuang de cos of some senior. Well i was ask to come down to do light at audi 2 but in the end some senior from FBI took over oh well i got nth to lose either but i jus dun like the feeling of being extra all of a sudden it jus reminds me that im jus a nobody im jus that insignificant can be easily replace by others. I notice i was feeling rather down the whole time, but 1 thing i didnt realise is i was hype up after tht after i got the chance to do wat i am suppose to do.

Then after that went to eat have a long chat and oso my hand got draw and write like nobody business after that when no more space to write le the attention ogt diverted to the tissue and well the words written was still readable at first but slowly as it goes down it become unreadable le oh well roughly can interpret the meaning out i suppose if i never read wrongly.

Have a gd chat wif my gd friend today i seriously got some catching up work to do between my friend le omg i feel so drifted away from them. I feel very bad now for unable to join the bball team that they created for the upcoming OCT competition cos i cant seem to find the time to commit myself into their training.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Thursday, July 2, 2009~~

2:47 AM

Wondering y im still not sleeping this late well i cant sleep even im tired. Feeling super screwed now extremely down until that guy is busting out le seriously its not a gd to to happen. Well jus now after that headache i have i can really feel the style of that guy acting up le. And now i got a slight fever sadded hopefully i dun become Iceman later or else ppl will hate me for life.

Really having alot of bad day lately it started out on SU AGM kana scold for no apparent reason then next is my CDS Tut got chase out of class again for no apparent reason wats next today i got screwed cos forgot to send to leader last sat next is afew hrs later im ogin for the worst show of my life again prediction it is goin to be a very screwed show cos last min rehersal/ programming of lights. Friday think its goin to be screwed cos its jus human nature that ppl will be late and i only got the booking of venue from 4 -6 definately cant finish if ppl r late. Sat screwed again got training early morning then afternoon I goin to screw my friend upside down becos he cause me to be chase out of class on tues. Sunday need to chiong 2 session of service in a row so need to wake up quite early its goin to be tiring.

Sorry bout the lots of screw in the post cos thats jus wat i feel i jus feel like i wan to disown this life and adopt bac the past life while doin the present thing i think i will be much more efficient that way i dun mind being cold-blooded once again at least i get things done nicely. So who vote for that? it only take 1 vote for me to change but it takes all the votes to make me stay as i was so its definately a gd deal plz some1 take it

A cup of milk a day..