^^IcyWorld^^; ^^IcyWorld ^^

My Perspective

Though we can't choose how we are born, but we can choose how we live and die.
For this is life and it is all about the choice we made.

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FRIENDS

Jun Wei.
Joseph.
Li Xin.
Emily.

Cell Group

E426.

Production Crew

TPPC.
Wai Hong.
Gerald.
Constance.
Daryl.
Daven.
Li Wei.
Marcus Chua.
Marcus Lay.
Samantha.
Shu Han.
Tzyy Wei.

ARCHIVES;

December 2008 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 April 2012

Monday, December 21, 2009
10:31 PM

WoW!!! Realised its been a week since i had blogged haha^^ Not goin to talk bout the whole 1 week cos most days im sick, lying on bed running a fever, so jus gonna update on some big events that got me happy instead^^

Last wed morning had a great full court match at the usual court. Won by afew points haha^^ Got to conserve energy to cycle so never really go all out but the result is still gd^^ Next thing that happen is on sat^^ which actually got me think that was i was told on friday was correct. Fri actually i was so bored and stuck in my bed i chatted Alicia on msn though its a short chat cos she need to go cell grp which i skipped, most of the time im grumbling bout how bad the week was but she jus encourages me to think more positively no matter how bad my situation is. Then the rest of the time she is sharing wif me her trip to NZ which is uber cool^^

OK bac to Sat went for my show met my crew and 1 turn up late so end up most setup done by Leo and me. Entrust the sound Leo and stage to the other crew that come late hoping i can rest abit cos i was fainting due to my fever, thing dun happen as how i hope it would be. I end up aiding stage and sound side for different performance. Most of the time when this kind of situation arise i will think badly but actually this time is different i got no bad thoughts at all but it rather sth gd.

Things turn up fine in the end and ppl r sastisfied wif everything^^ Then it was their dinner time both crew smuggled some food in we all enjoy at 1 corner haha^^ Then Leo came up wif a bet to guess the organiser, a tp international student, come from which country. He was very full of himself guessing that the girl is from japanese cos he saw the slideshow where that organiser wearing jap costume. I took up the bet and the wager was a can of drink, the other crew was drag into it haha^^ Actually im already certain that Leo is wrong. By the way i guessed malaysia and im rite haha^^ How do I noe? Its simple i told Leo if she hasn't worn sleeveless i wouldn't have such confidence, then Leo is like OH YA and he started cursing and swearing haha. Well y sleeveless gives the answer cos in malaysia at a certain age got injection wif some kind of fire needle forgot is for wat le then will leave a scar. HAHA IM A OBSERVENT DETECTIVE HAHA^^

Well its a Christmas party after all so certainly there is gift exchange got some leftover gift so we got a share of it here is the second epic part both me and Leo got choc but the other crew tio CLOCK!!! haha we roll on the floor laugh. Well for those who dun understand in chinese means 'Song Zhong'. Its a ceremonial that in a funeral the eldest son have to send the dead off for proper burial. Its a bad thing to receive clock as a gift and y out of all gift he got a clock he must be really down on his luck.

Speaking of Luck, guess it refers to positive energy in a person thats all not religious saying or watsoever but its sth rather mysterious. After having a gd laugh feel much better physically and emotionally, no more wanting to faint le but feeling gd. Ok now this is the part where i refer to the things my dear friend told me on fri. Think Positive. Thing happen up till now has been gd and bad jus depending on the angle that 1 thinks of it. Last even that triggers my thoughts not being saddist but our dear frind Leo has finally encounter the epicest of the strings of epic event.

Upon reaching bac to Artspace, jus 2 doors and a short path to it. This DANGEROUS encounter happened. I was walking ahead holding to all the key went pass the 2 doors and opened the artspace. While the rest were pushing the equipments. After opening the artspace I went to open the 2 doors for Leo as his equipment is the first out of the 2 flightcases we had. Not long after the first equipment has pass the 2 doors, I heard some1 cursing. I turned bac and it was Leo. I got to noe that he stepped on a pile of HUMAN SHIT AND ITS STILL WET!!! He wiped those that stuck on his shoe on a vending machine. YUCK!!! This is where my thoughts came in the luckiest thing out of these bad luck. I walk pass and miss the shit 3 times without noticing it due to my blocked nose. The shit jus went nicely through the gap of the equip between the 4 wheels so its safe. Cant imagine wat will happen if the wheels of the equipment got hit.

Today is another amazing day too. Shall not talk too much but will say alittle. Morning went to sch did project can say half of it is done le though we still haven solve Q1 of the statement. Cos it is either complete or doin once we complete means everything will be solve left report. Afternoon went to deposit money finally i had money in my bank le its been empty every since i start saving for my lappy till now. On my way hm bump into joseph and he is goin to meet his friend well some1 i noe too. He is from Kaleo in another word youth grp in my boy brigade church. Oh forgot to mention when doin proj another guy chatted me out of the blues he is oso from Kaleo asking me sth bout mousehunt im stunned at that moment. Well had lunch wif the 2 that i met catch up abit haha its really been long le. Im speaking bout unity afew post ago well i felt unity in them as in the youth grp thought they might not be big and grand like my church but they r heart warming. Kinda got this thoughts should i go there instead. Guess there is 1 thing stopping me. That is HER, She is there!!! I admit i dun dare to face her cos i will lost myself if i face her ><

A cup of milk a day..

Monday, December 14, 2009
11:18 PM

Train Train Trian got to train more. Need focus stay mentally strong. My friend jus brought a bike brand Giant cos him 1.8k woohoo but its damn shiok cycling on it the gear all smooth and the suspension was amazing even go on a kurb the impact wasnt felt much as though nth happen. Well wonder y im feel like so happy even the bike is not my well im a bike lover. His bike really damn gd think i will aim for a bike arnd his budget but I will DIY and customise it^^

So nervous ><>< As left of from last wednesday haven been in much gd mood. I think i over strain my muscle my muscle now takes time to react even my brain response fast. Thx to the match wif those 2 monster the other day totally burn my muscle out. When ppl play against stronger player i realise they really shift to maximum gear. Not jus me but i have seen quite alot of ppl in my court like this le they play extremely well when they face monster and gaint compare to the usual match they play by themselves.

Sth has been bothering me feel like there is a burden on my shoulder and sth in my mind i dunno wat it is but it kinda give of a rather gd feeling but its troubling me, contradicting i noe but it really feel this way. By the way i need to rediscover my limits once again, think i underestimated myself alittle. Certian things last time i cant accomplish i manage to do it now yet my mentality still stuck wif the idea of i cant do that thing cos not enuf strenght and confident.

Actually i wasnt happy today not at the begining and it turn out to be worse. I screwed up 1 of my teammates presentation jus becos when i was designing the slides i add in a wrong picture and during Q&A the lecturer did ask bout it and it seem like cant be answered. Guess now my friend is angry wif me becos of it. Wat the fuck am i doin. I only noe im a failure today screw up my friend's presentation, forgot a promise that i have made wat else can possibly happen is the detestatble memories of mine is bac again. Can some1 do a kind favor by throwing me a knief and end this freaking miserable life for gd.
At the end of the day, im jus a failure in life, an outcast which no 1 cares

A cup of milk a day..

Sunday, December 13, 2009
3:27 PM

OH MY in addicted to old chinese movies again. Have watch them be4 like dunno how many times le still wan to watch. Downloaded tonnes of them all r my favorites. Slept at 5am, but unexpected thing happen. A trigger got pull from last movie i watch be4 i sleep. I was surprised, then next thing i noe strenght started to flow in my body. The only thing that can give me strenght regardless of situation. Then a song was played in the movie i get so drawn to it. Its a cantonese song but the feeling of the song i cant describe dunno is cry to becos feel touched or cry becos heart broken.

Goin out to bball at 5 hope when i reach there will have ppl playing then can join them. Then goin jogging at nite wif Yaoli. Move on to a uber busy but fun week after that...

Continue from jus now where i left of. Really be careful of wat u wish for now im afraid to wish le. The moment i reach bball court is flooded wif ppl and many matches have past means i went late. Its crazy sia counted the number of ppl there r 18 on half court another 8-10 on the other half. Can play soccer liao end up we play league win some lose some but 1 thing i dun like is the waiting time though its fun to watch other ppl play but by the time its our turn already cool down liao. Today not on form the skills today is very bad missed alot of ball cant catch the rite feeling. Im on exercise week gonna strain my muscles and brain to the max. Think by sch reopen i will weigh 59kg if i continue to intense exercise. After bball i brought alot of food hm trying to enjoy but Yaoli wan to jog earlier i only finish half of my dinner and went to jog wif him le. Bad choice to jog after i eat, though i gave myself half hr of digesting time i still get gastric halfway when we jog. Now the other half of my dinner is goin to be my breakfast le.

Now need to squeeze some brain juice on wat to cook for wednesday PC xmas party and wat ingredient to buy for the stay over at my hse as i will be cooking dinner. Noe how to cook but always lazy unless i have the mood. This time is no mood oso need to cook cos its potluck and was requested by a friend. I can never be a chef cos i only cook for leisure.

A cup of milk a day..

Thursday, December 10, 2009
7:54 PM

My guess r rite, jus as i predicted. Being haunted by my memories again. Headache coming bac. Guess im really drinking to forget huh that y im being drawn into drinking. Haiz i noe ppl care bout me but guess they didn't think of the reasons behind it. Sianz 2 times a day sure its frequent now haiz if Hanlin never make that comment yesterday guess i wont be suffering now. Down wif a fever now and a terrible headache guess im goin to rest hopefully. Yes i noe im very restless today dunnid to be told cos i never sleep last nite due to the memories again. Who has put themselves in my shoe and think be4. Im taking all the hits. Feel like cursing and swearing now.
Y must I always be the 1 that takes every1's attitude

A cup of milk a day..

12:16 AM

Once again concluded that memories r super painful. Well a close friend of mine today jus triggered sth very bad in my mind unknowingly. He is like saying sth occur in his life in sec sch that changes his fate and spoils his life alittle. Well it jus directly shoot me bac into the times where he had mention maybe abit more earlier then the time he mention. How i wish i can change fate too that i haven met a certain person in BB (Boys Brigade) and how i wish i never got into that cca then i wont get close to the affliated church and i wont noe HER. Becos of all this i have end up suffering. Buried myself wif inhuman workload wif objective to numb myself and it works but slowly i have lost myself too no longer have any purpose wandering arnd aimlessly only noe im tired but for wat i dunno. There is a saying i heard be4 is that the things that u r doing now for others r the thing that u desired. In my case think wat i really need is some1 who can heal my broken heart. First i turn to my CGL but its hopeless, somemore i joined another church the 1 that BB guy brought me to. Im dun go chuch doesn't mean i reject God, is i sense no unity in the ppl who believe in him.

Im kinda attracted to the ppl who r like me, cos i feel that im able to understand their feeling and they will understand mine too. Wif an aim to aid ppl and the ability for them to help me too i failed and hurt some ppl along the way. Think 1 who cant help themselves cant help others i suppose. Memories jus fly pass me of how ppl who started out as friends turn out to be strangers in the end. Till date my heart has not heal not the slightest. Still i must stand strong, awaiting for a person that will really be able to heal me to appear in my life ba.
Deep down my heart my feelings for HER have not fade the slightest bit

A cup of milk a day..

Tuesday, December 8, 2009
11:59 PM

Was hestating whether to blog until my mum brought supper. Jus ate cant possibly sleep immediately. Well i only got 60% of confident in UO mainly master topic 1 topic 2 jus flipped through but in my mind it tell me i will be able to handle the paper tml without much problem. Still its a stressful day running through all the work that have will be tested as I have skipped lessons. The paper yesterday went quite well not much of a problem besides some careless mistake. Well actually im quite upset bout sth today thats y i blog. Dunno y my words always offend ppl or make them not happy, im jus caring out of gd intention but its like ppl dun like to hear them. My words not once but already been thrown bac quite a few times. Wats the problem wif me. I really wonder is it talk lesser really make lesser mistake. Noticed that encouraging ppl isnt easy haiz...
cos when at times ppl jus dun care a shit about wat u say

A cup of milk a day..

Saturday, December 5, 2009
10:46 PM

Running out of time and still got alot of thing haven study yet. Tml last day to choing study hope i can finish them super fast tml really need the understanding now. Ate alot now damn bloated hard to sleep but super tired burn brain for 1 day le its time for it to rest. Things still not any better still huanted by nitemare but slowly losing myself totally cant recall wat happen le.

In my mind dunno y when i feel bad feel like giving up sth surely surface and give me the motivation to pull me bac up. It always keep me thinking for quite awhile be4 i give up thinking bout it again. The only thing is it always work for me its like no matter how worse the situation is it jus give me the strenght and i will surely overcome it. Yet again i have been too dependent on that thought its like trigger at a certain level be4 giving up.

A cup of milk a day..

Friday, December 4, 2009
11:46 AM

Deep down inside telling me sth bad is happening or going to happen soon. Ever since that day i got nitemare every nite. Its dark i can tell. Last nite didnt get to sleep, trains of memory jus flash pass my brain nonstop. All these r bad memory. Struggled in my bed from 11+ to the next time i regain consciousness is 0119. Terrible headache after that unknowningly lose conscious again. Struggled throughout the nite after that as though im splitting apart. Got a feeling of sth is taking over. At 8 alarm rang started to regain conscoius but body is in a terrible state.

The outside wind under the big sun feels damn cold even wif my jacket on. Movement had turn slow totally even thinking lagged. Body failed to respond to some command my brain sent recently. End up full of injury this few days my ankle never get to heal cos i jus fall again yesterday and in return my right hand took a great shook too and its in pain now.

Going to see doc later hope will get a gd explaination but my condition now. Seriously wat has gone into me or rather wat is happening to me. Things i totally cant explain.

A cup of milk a day..