Tuesday, December 28, 2010
5:00 PM
Im controlling myself now. Although im trying very hard, but i have to prevent myself not to do any stupid things that im going to regret. Living like a walking zombie, an empty shell. Soulless.
I need to break my own limit to pull through this. I cant be thinking stupid now. Sometime really when chances r missed its hard to get bac. Well have i missed the signal and headed to a point of no return? Have I really being played by fate.
Im stuck in between sth now. At least i got bac on track from the person who derailed 3 years ago. Im very certain i derailed 3 years ago and have turn into another person. But now everything is bac from where i left off. The only factor that have chance is that there is God in the picture now. After such a big round i found myself content and enjoy residing in the church where i first know him proper. The place that really strike fear in me on the first sermon i heard. The impact rekindle my connection wif that place and that house.
Recently bac to there is like every sermon touches my heart deeply. I no longer fall asleep in service at that church like i used to be. Oso met bac alot of friends 3 years ago in that church. Years have pass they have all change without exception. All have become much more mature. I have yet to fully bond wif all the pass friends yet but i will try my best to do so.
Well wif my life bac on its original track of cos things has oso came bac to me. God is good. From the moment i return to him. He has shown me the way and returned the things that i have lost. Kinda think that my trial has ended. But yet again its not i think. I think i have a final stage to pass. Be4 my life becomes perfect. I think God is oso a player that plays to win. No matter wat the result of this final wall is He will still win. My life will still be made perfect by him and for him. Its jus the matter of time depend on the outcome of this trial thats all.
There is only 1 factor in that place that i till now still feel awkward. But im not goin to say here. This factor has cause me to be feel soulless now. This is the final wall.
A cup of milk a day..
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
12:21 AM
The wall is falling >< I dunno how long more i can last.
The battle between 2 side of me have begun. There is only 1 way to save the gd side.
Now i dun even know my point of return is an open way or a stumbling block.
On the other hand its this uncertainty that is keeping me hanging now.
Im praying hard that i can purge out all the bad in me. Please I have been screwed long enuf isnt it about time i receive sth gd in return and get bac on track.
However the temptation to get bad is very strong. What does this means? Is it a trial or its jus another shit that happen for nth? Is this jus another of devil's attack or is a test from God?
Too many uncertainties and too little factors to rely on. Only can believe and breakthrough.
A cup of milk a day..
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
2:26 PM
Peace has been attained tgt wif power in me. Sometimes its good to be back to square 1. I manage to find bac myself. Some1 that none knows expect ppl who r wif me since pri or sec sch. I will not be knock down easily.
Bac into the origin where everything started, how i get to know certain ppl at a certain place and now im bac at the very place where i truly found peace. A place where i noe ppl recognise me without barrier or having intentions. Comfortable to be arnd them. All the old faces sure brings bac memories. Its a part of memory that i count myself blesed.
Well jus got bac to my book that i stopped half way. I plan to finish by sat then start studying for term test. At least my studies is catching up. I brought a new book the synopsis caught my attention its a crime novel i cant wait to start it asap.
Today Nafa, im not in the condition as my knee still hurt from sunday's bball. but nevertheless im going to pass it even if it cause my life. Its a challenge and im going to take it down.
