Wednesday, December 28, 2011
3:36 PM
Probably this gonna be the last or at least 1 of the last post of the year. This year have passed by very fast from christmas to chirstmas it feel as though they r back to back. The reason y this year is fast, its probably becos of the turning point in life where every1 moved on to the next phase.
This year I can say i did not accomplished much. Not a year i have expect to be. The failure to make the right desicions for alot of things resulting in more time lost. But there is 1 particular thing that this year have done me gd. Im finally over the person that im stuck for more than 3 years.
Another thing that left me over the years is guts. What happen to the 'dont think, jus do' motto its gone alrite. Fear is instilled to me by dunno God knows what. I really wish I can do thing like be4 going for all the aderaline rush and challenge.Really need a place to practice them.
Losing grip, breaking point. Lost myself for the past 5 months, couldn't adapt to the fact that im unable to do the things i love and passionate about. My life went into a plunge. Things change terribly hard cold fact strucks me. Escaping. Terrible things I have did to myself. Not that i have realised it then but now i do. Still am in a pretty deep shit but on a journey to restore balance in my life. I seriously have done things i shouldn't have.
Every1 have picked up pace in life the least i can do is not fall bac now. Tidy up my shit and let get going. Theres a will theres a way. Its time to do things rite I wan to materialise the things i dream to have or to be. But first i need to get the very support from some1.
A cup of milk a day..
Sunday, December 18, 2011
8:12 PM
Dunno when it started... I've become numb, very numb. I no longer feel much emotions and my view of things has changed. Do not wan to care too much do not wan to know much. Im all stress up and have lost track of myself. Sometimes I find it really nice to not know anything. Somehow ignorant is bliss haha.
I dun wan to know myself. I wan to runaway. Runaway from all the pain and problem. I've lost my fighting spirit, i no longer hope. No confident in things that has to be done by me. Where has my skill and confident goes y do i not even trust myself now. Set back after set back jus remind me how i have deprove. Distractions use to avoid the problem didnt last long be4 they turn into problem too. The me now will only disappoint ppl if they were to entrust me sth. Too many mistake i've made so far.
Jus awhile ago im actually having flashbacks to the time when im still poly year 1, the times when i jus learn sound. The times when im allow to make mistakes when nth have to meet the standard yet. Oso dunno since when meetings standards become an essential in life. Carrying all sorts of load on my shoulder.
Of these few months the only thing im still happy about is that i manage to do sound for a couple of times and its sth im still gd at and enjoy doing at least. I really missing sound badly I really really miss it. Really dont mind doing it even when im stress at least it give a sense of achievement.
