^^IcyWorld ^^

~~Sunday, May 29, 2011~~

11:40 PM

Its been 3 days :( I freaking haven sleep for 3 days already dunno how i endure but yeah i did. All becos of stupid comp and finally its all done today everything is fully functional now. No more kaobei from my bro for no comp use. Feel like breaking down physically le. Exhausted my stock of pain killer too need to see doc and get soon. the lasted dated stock i got was bac to the start of this year. Seriously now i take pill i think of pauline haha jus got to know that she pops pill quite frequent too jus that different pills. Seriously the more we talk the more common we have. Im really starting to think how can 2 identical ppl in personality exists it feels more scarier than a clone haha^^

Jus met up the bros again at usual spot somehow we have an unbreakable tradition now every since the cafe cartel promotion. Though im tired but meeting them is always fun haha^^ Recently no more girls topic and we talked cock and joke bout life. Somehow life seem like a thing under us and not above us when we r doing that. I so totally like the panda joke jus now its freaking funny 1 of our originals^^ I got a bro who is always in the same frequency as me haha we think along the same line then we stack joke upon jokes then we laugh until stomach cramp haha^^

Was quite down recently due to certain matters. Its not i dun wan to give up but is i can. I can confidently day all promise i made i have a choice to keep it or not but there is 1 promise i cannot make cos i noe i have no control over it and i cant keep it for sure. I cant promise to forget her cos its far too impossible for me. For me i think that is the only impossible in my life. So well as much as i cant let go of that i guess i will jus corner myself alone and not hurt others anymore. For its much better to suffer myself then allow others to suffer. I quit no more nets out there its jus me and me only. No more fish, close business liao. Unless im found if not dun think i will hold any hopes for 'fish' business again. Its Pauline that reminded me to be skeptical have to thank her for that cos she returns me to who i really am^^ Im seeing myself in some1 else's eye. Seriously we r like 2 identical ppl in personality the more i think the more interesting it gets. So its like now since we know each other im curious to find out wat will the other me do in that different life. Things have changed so do I.

Gonna be the man that can do everything. Bac to the 1 rule restriction.

A cup of milk a day..

2:47 AM

My day didnt end too well but at least i think i found the solution to my bro's comp. I spent the whole of yesterday fix my bro's comp and pc training. Today went for bball match thought didnt wan to go at first but well end up im still there. Only achievement today is get to say hi and talk to her abit haha^^ Well at least its sufficient to carry me for the next few days without her. Unless fate decide to play me again. Somehow i dun mind being play by fate cos i get to see her. I can jolly well forget bout chuch tml le. im in a serious bad condition now. Seriously abit of drastic change in my living pattern has cause my migriane to hit like crazy recently. Im begining to worry that it might affect me in ns. Im going to find a solution to it somehow and be4 my ns.

Seriously even as im blogging now sth bugs me is that somehow aside from her there is a some1 which i find i have great chemistry wif that we r living in many common points but we dun really have feelings for each other rather odd but true. Today's miracle is we both say wan to sleep at the exact same time its like awkward ttm.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Friday, May 27, 2011~~

2:52 AM

A cup of coffee at late nite.

Recently alot of memories flood bac to me. Those r the long forgotten memories. More like the origins of things in my life resurfaced somehow. First is how i started sound and now im going to say how i started coffee.

A cup of late nite coffee after so long really bring me bac to when i started coffee. As of sec4 mid year im still not a coffee drinker apparently. I did not start of wif gd coffee like starbuck or coffee bean too. It was after mid year when prelims and 'o' is closing. The cell grp wans to encoureage all 'o' lvl ppl. They did a small card and a small gift for every1 that is taking 'o'. Every1's gift is different, guess wat mine is actually a box of Owl Brand black coffee. Honestly my first impression of it is how cute haha^^ having a box of coffee as gift.

Who knows well during prelims when we all mug late nites somehow the coffee has been my best friend aside from the musics that accompany me through the nite. Coffee has become sth that cant leave my life since then. Y do i go for gd coffee now its not becos im really picky wif coffee. Its was becos there was a period coffeeshops sell bad coffee. 80% of the time i buy the coffee r sour becos of it i ventured into the expensive coffees thats how coffee bean come into my life. From then on i realise how gd coffee taste like and fell more in love wif coffee.

Well thats all for my coffee story. Grad ceremony in few hours and im not sleeping. I have dedicate my week in fixing the comp at hm. Since im jobless i decide to make myself uself and start fixing the 2 comp at hm which is sth i fail to fix for the past 2 years due to lack of time. For now i shall continue to relax and wait for the ceremony to begin and marks the end of my poly life ba^^

A cup of milk a day..

~~Tuesday, May 24, 2011~~

11:32 PM

I refuse to submit to fate.

Once again bac thinking fate is trying to toy wif me again. If it is i think the quote will be true that Fate stike when least expected. Not the first time things like this happen already. There is no explaination of y out of no where she pops out behind me wif a bicycle when her bball court is more than 400m away. The bicycle was quite cool though wif her on it is jus beautiful ttm haha^^ Never fails to surprise me and never fails to impress me. Still its you who notice me first. Will there be a time when its my turn to notice u first?

She is the only 1 who im able to feel wif my heart. Other ppl r jus tots in my brain to me but when it comes to her i can feel in my heart literally. Both my heart and mind r all about her after meeting her. She is my 100% thats wat i concluded. Funny thing till now i cant decipher is that y we can be so friendly to each other outside but never in church.

Epic moment of my life jus now as that sudden meeting occur i was bragging to my friend about i have no fear etc. Then she pop out i unstant face change. Then my friend was like so much for no fear>< Actually he knows that she is my only weakness but that disturb from him is epic. She is really my kyptonite if im superman. Im totally powerless against her. Is there anyway i can jus get closer to her? I can safely say that i need her and she is like my world.

A cup of milk a day..

6:22 AM

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more

Well completed supernatural season 6 today the final 2 epi rox ttm. Season 7 coming bac only in 2012 but im sure its going to be great. 1 thing i love about supernatural is they make oldies sound cool. On top is part of the lyric of the song used in the season finale. The lyrics of the whole song have meaning too^^

Seriously i like the character Dean alot. He jus suffered the greatest heartache in life. There r ppl in his live that is his 100% not his hunting job not any other thing each but 2 ppl form his 100%. He really paint out what true strong man is both physical and emotional. Wish i can be like him haha.

Now im playing a game dunno how long it can last me but well gonna burn some time reading books, watching show and playing games. Missed those days when i do it in sch. Well i got a list lined up for me to complete and my goal is complete by this week haha^^ Time to sleep its 6+ in the morning now haha.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Sunday, May 22, 2011~~

11:08 PM

Today is a normal day. Nth special happen. Migraine strikes in the middle of the service. Lucky got eat breakfast today so can eat med and kinda heal soon after service ended. Suppose to play games wif the youth in church today but well due to the migraine i changed my plan. Actually i was hoping to receive a call or a msg asking where i am but well seem like no1 cares. At least she dun already i suppose.

Maybe im really destine to fail love love ba. Being a nice guy end up bad and jerk is so not my style. Well jus bac into my corner loveless and lost ba. I have been constantly reminded by things of the past. Who i really am. The fearless guy where bigger the crisis the more exciting the thing is.

I declare im so over you, no longer will be lead on anymore. No more strings on me i hate strings i hate being a puppet. I have a mind on my own.

Sleep or watch show now i cant decide cos the show very tempting but im freaking tired Maybe i should watch until i fall asleep.

A cup of milk a day..

12:36 AM

Its cuts me open and pain is all I wan to feel.

I have enjoyed today's match dun think i can play wif my mind and body in sync but somehow i did it. Raised my reflex by alot. Instinct has helped alot too if not i would be injured by now. Will high concentration I can do this much. But did you see that did u recognize my strength?

Think I concentrate too much jus now but i think its worth. From the start i have already decide to give wat i can into this very match cos its for you. Sadly not my best of best but at least it a result im satisfied off. Long time never pull of this level of concentration cos im not required to most of the time. My mental stamina has gotten weak. If it were last time i can pull it off easily without getting wary. Now im all tired and my eyes is all strain from the senses i boost today. My right eye is throbbing wif pain now. All im glad is i didnt really get injured. My instinct acted be4 my mind can react to anything and it save me a couple of times. Got once when i getting rebound some1 deliver an uppercut to the ball, my instinct shifted my position be4 the ball and the hand brush pass me. Next we have a collision end up the opponent stepping on my leg when I land if my instinct haven stop me i would have sprain my ankle already. Avoided alot of massive damage today.

U left immediately after the match ends. U r always at the opposite end of me. Somehow u r watching but u dun notice. I dunno i jus dunno wat i am anymore. U used to recognise my strength but today feel different. Dun think i will suffer such a big blow from the match today but somehow i do. Resolve to throwing fake smile after the match to my team. Hide my emotions in front of other ppl. It broke lose after i reached hm from the movie. The more song i listen the more shit i feel now. Falling into a pit and no1 is there to save this soul.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Saturday, May 21, 2011~~

2:38 AM

Oh well guessed the stressful day is finally over. I have over exercised myself today. Sweat like nobody's business. Manage to tan bac abit. Cfm tone bac my body's fitness level le after today. Now I feel fit as ever jus nice in shape for tml's match haha^^ Manage to tired myself out from all the over rest I have been resting for the past 1 week. Its like in 1 week plus this is the first time I actually feel like wan to sleep becos I'm tired.

Today somehow I have proved sth. I'm not as impt or rather valued I feel. All the more becos of this I shouldn't dwell in it any longer. I'm out and I dun care jus let my heart holds no hope for ppl to avoid disappointment. I jus need to stay on track and do wat must be done. Its wats Castiel did then he received no signs of what to do.

Tml's match I dunno how I'm going to perform. All I know is I will give my best but I will oso leave it up to the prideful captain to decide. I seriously couldn't care about the captain anymore. All I wan to do is jus to play the match that I wanted to play and end the season.

Watching all the cool movies makes me wan to go ns faster well ppl will think I'm crazy but I really look forward to ns like ever since 3 years ago. Some I get into the unit I wan its going to be great cos will be chionging a lot totally my style of things to do. Actually my goal is to get myself trained better so that I will make lesser human errors. In my sight human error r stupid to make and can be minimised so I will do my best to minimise human error made by me.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Friday, May 20, 2011~~

12:23 AM

Stressed!!! i have no idea y the sudden but im jus stressed. Spamming 3 good songs at 1 go but its not helping. Only know that my life have been passing 4 mins by 4 mins becos of the songs. How i wish ideas can flow like how i bog now wif undisturbed thoughts flowing in me. I even pop the last breezer at hm and gulping it down to soothe myself. I have a plan wif no alternative now so if it fails i cannot save anything and i dun like this kind of insecurity. I need to refine it somehow. Creating sth impossible out of limited resource is shit. Im really very dependent on the equipment tml as all need to be fully functional even 1 screwed oso will screw the plan up. Put many thoughts over the event this 3 days. Manage to have back up plan on many things alr. Even calculated the worse case scenario for many things.

Im stirred up again. I feel werid cos im feeling things im not suppose to feel. Saw her today more like she pops by. Dunno y but im happy to see her its like really happy kind of happy. She finding me is jus rare ttm. Well she came jus nice when the training jus end and while the crew packing we jus chat. Haha random topics but jus enjoyed her presence. And now im jus expecting her on the dates she said she will come. Tml nite movie marathon im expecting her presence. Surprisingly anything she ask me to i would do my best to help thats wat i realised. Im one confused dude now. Even for the keyboard too, though she strongly believe that it cant be accomplished in jus 2 months but she say she will be happy if i really can. Cos i seriously think i can and i see her happy as a morale boost than being discourage to her dun believe cos its really too hard.

My head really hurts now, shouldnt have drank alcohol though its jus little bit but it make my head alot worse. It didnt soothes me but weaken me. Shit now i have more problem to deal wif situation jus gets harder. Am i at my limit? I hope not cos i know im not that weak. Ahhhh migraine feeling bac again :( Tml please give me a gd day dun haunt me until the whole thing ends plz.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Wednesday, May 18, 2011~~

10:54 PM

Jus bac from my errands hee hee. Well its amazing i believe. I got the same feeling when i was at suntec jus now i mean the same feeling be4 im into sound. Its a story i never speak of be4. No 1 actually know how i started sound except for my ex CGL. Im really grateful for him its him who taught me lots of things and brought me up to another level when i tot i have nth interesting that i wan to learn or improve on.

That time i was bout half a year old in church, fateful and on fire for Christ well abit crazy oso. Its was during my 'O' lvl period that time my CGL asked me if i wan to serve in church. I wasnt that outgoing that time therefore usher is a no no for me but its the most common ministry ppl go. Well i cant sing cfm not choir, certainly not children church not that i dun like children but im not gd wif problematic children. Security is a man ministry i was a boy that time>< I have no idea where i can serve at but i really wan to serve. That time im really thinking if worse come to worse i have no place to go i will jus serve usher. My CGL pop out suggesting sound ministry. Wow its a ministry i never heard of its like seriously totally never heard off. Be4 that i never notice the ppl behind the scene all the unsung hero that runs the service at all. After a brief intro by my CGL, im not very convince but sth tells me its worth a shot so i agreed. The feeling is mysterious trust me i really cant explain it but somehow i knew i will be into it even when i dunno anything about it.

I was rite after the first sound training i went i fell in love wif it. I fell in love wif sound, gd sound. Usually ppl go for the ppl like if the ppl make u feel gd like friendly and wat not that let u decide to stay well for me i fell in love wif sound instantly thats y i stayed and ppl come later haha^^ Btw my first sound training only have 4 student and 1 teacher 2 helpers and we learnt about cable heads haha^^ 1 solid lesson of cable connectors and its variations normally ppl will jus crash and fall asleep cos its boring but somehow im not. The lesson structure was split to 2 parts theory and prac. Thats how i come out wif the PC training structure but sadly for me it didnt work out until like last fri. Anw the prac part for my first training is lvl 0 patching. 1 speaker 1 small mixer 1 power cord 1 mic 2 patching wire 1 speaker stand. The first speaker i lifted and mounted is EON active the exact same 1 we have in PC comm rm.

The training lasted for 8 weeks and i didnt miss a single training though there are times when i really wan training to hurry end cos im really tired not that im not interested but physically and mentally tired as i was chionging things for CG almost 24/7. Oh we have theory and prac test after on the 8th week haha^^ Never in my whole life im mug so willingly. Its like 2 week be4 test i started mugging through all the notes im given over and over again. Its like me mugging equal miracle and plus willingly oh wow i must be possessed by spirit or sth. Well my passion was developed like this. And for 3 years i took pride in every event i run wif no compromise in attitude.

For PC 8 weeks sound training focused sound its impossible. I now know y my shi fu tell me 8 week is the bare minimum to know the basics and jus the basics even be4 going on the job training. Cos its impossible to teach the basics under 8 weeks with a gd sound foundation. How i wish it can really happen.

Well bac to the topic after 1 long story. Even only knowing basic theory of wat a keyboard can do i got the feeling jus like be4 i learn sound. Somehow the only prob is time is not on my side. I seriously need to consider serious factor due to time. Well waiting for her to online wanna consult a musician see if its possible for me to achieve the goal i wan in the limited time frame i have. Dunno y but somehow in the things i do she jus appeared to strike my mind the first most of the time. More like things i do reminds me of her. And those 4 days never talk to her feels long like never talk to her for ages. But unknowingly im talking to her for like consecutive 3 days and and it dun feel long at all more like feel more normal. Plus once we start we cannot stop talking. Weird i am, thats wat i feel.

A cup of milk a day..

5:02 PM

Think I have rested enuf its time to find sth to do haha^^ Random post though now will blog more tonite haha^^ Guess we jus have too much in common to not to not realise. Ppl that walk on the same path. Dun think its going to part us soon. Too much tots too much possibility but same ppl. Proves only 1 thing we r complicated ppl. Somehow i dunno y the further we pull away from each other the closer we spring bac.

Going to try out Keyboard later cant wait for time to hurry pass and if it favors me im going to sign up later haha^^ recently i dun really spend frequently but whenever i spend i have been dealing wif hundreds. Tonites dinner going to be great too im finally getting my earpiece Dr.dre somemore at only 43 bucks haha^^ Well God provide it jus at the rite time its jus yesterday i throw my old panasonic earpiece away and i getting my new 1 later haha^^

Things to remind myself go get driving test date soon. Must get license be4 i go NS thats the goal for now haha^^

A cup of milk a day..

1:02 AM

Tot i got over it but now it started again cos of yesterday. The seed of expectation is planted in my again. I waiting for sth to happen now. So be4 the sth im waiting happen im taking this time to blog.

Somehow i feel like im living in denial now. Denying in things i dun wan to believe even it might be torturous and harder to not believe. 'Somehow i wish it is me now' the thoughts run in my brain.

Knowledge is not equal to power but it is the key to power. When you get ur thoughts arranged it shows u a better picture easier to spot mistake too. Identifying potential threats and problems deal wif it be4 it happen. Making you few steps ahead of others thats wat a leader is required to do.

Still working on my 'Mission Impossible' and things r not flowing in my mind today. Need to be more focus and alert need to boost the stamina of my brain though cannot be like the movie limitless when he said i see things that y i can be 50 steps ahead of you. For me im trained to process 16 things at 1 go be4 my brain crash from overload of info. At least it still make me few step ahead i suppose.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Tuesday, May 17, 2011~~

3:01 AM

Haha it really take 1 to screw everything rite im all happy again^^ Actually this time 2 happened but 1 really made me feel the best haha^^ well first is my bros jio me go Cafe cartel for supper and chit chat like how we used to be. Interesting fact we r finally out of the girls topic for 3 single guys like us thats a miracle haha^^ Had fun wif them like standard these r some unchangeable things haha^^ Truly wat made me happy was the other thing.

Dunno if i can use this statement again anot but i believe maybe its that statement. The statement is 'Absent make the heart fonder'. She suddenly talked to me after so many days of silent. It used to be me chatting her on msn seldom she chat me. Yah rite in case u r wondering which she im talking let me make it clear its Pauline ok. Seriously do i have alot of 'she' in my life y do ppl always ask which 1 i really wonders.

Funny is that when we talk we talk non stop. Dunno y but convo jus flow. Talked for hrs since like 12+ to 430am crazy rite its like ppl chatting on a phone over nite. Plus she have work at 9am OMG!!! We r crazy but really is talk until forget about time kind. She agreed wif my theory haha knew that cfm will have ppl agree wif me de haha jus need to find the rite person. I have learnt that when i talk to Pris from Girls Brigade when we bitch about 1 person like finally some1 finally agree wif me about that somebody i have been putting up for 8 years haha^^ Anw Pauline agreed wif my 'Whats worse than PS-ing a person' theory haha^^ Fun things we talked about haha first instinct of her is i dun fall into the category of the theory u jus spoke off xP cuteeeeed haha. Then we talk about blacklisting even more cute haha^^ i concluded she will not like me if she know me earlier cos she dun like ppl sms alot when going out or eat etc. The past screwed up me phone is 24/7 sms-ing nonstop cfm tio blacklist by her.

Then we talked about PC she interested to learn Sound haha^^ cos the crashed course i give her the other day she find it interesting and the mixer at her Timbre side where she learn bass always have problem she claimed. She feel like fixing the prob haha^^ Feel so much like me see prob bu shuang always have the urge of wan to fix the problem. Honed my skill until problem see me run far far haha^^ She is coming bac to learn soon awaiting her presences haha this disciple worth to teach got a learning heart haha^^ She believed in me sia she really believed in me OMG!!! Its like she noe me for not long but she know im the die die oso will make things happen kind of guy. Cos i was telling her bout the CCN movie set up its not technically possible to do such a big set up at amphitheater might have to use some cheat and thinking way out of the box to make it happen. Dun have a fully working schematic yet still working on it. Her reply was that of i mention above 'cos u r xx! Die die oso will make things happen de' so touched by the words haha^^ Gd to have ppl believing in u morale boost haha^^

Then we talk bout going out cos seriously tried twice asking her but failed know that its not she dun wan but she cannot cos like me she a busy woman haha^^ Actually she is more busy than I am somehow the way she packed her schedule reminds me of the past me everything bac to bac crazy 1 then reach hm still can chat msn until 4 then sleep next day work 9am. Talking bout the promise we made and I made haha^^ I will never forget those. Its like stuck in my mind since the day its made. Certainly i dun wan to owe a person who is going to fly soon. She thinks im superman haha^^ Typical me can plan things fast and get things settled fast. The promise we made is to dine at 1 cafe like shop at serangoon we saw the other day beside the icecream shop 'Udders' cos the cafe looks interesting^^ The 1 i made is i still owe her BBQ food haha^^ dunno y BBQ food oso can owe de but yah need to cook certain food i owe her from the last 2 BBQ and the debt of food jus keep piling up dunno y too>< Best is now she added 1 more outing into my to plan list not going to reveal it so soon. In my mind that extra outing is pending its not a promise yet. All this in 1 month I have to fulfill, im really going to become superman le somehow.

I really think we r damn alike stuck oso stuck on the same prob. Like me there is a guy she can never get over. And we have similar story on another thing too. She told me bout her ex story similar and she is playing my role in her story too the bad person. Then it went about to the so call some1 she currently so call interested in. Which leads me bac into the curious mind of who the hell that person is>< she didnt reveal anything but i respect her answer this time cos she said she will tell me when she is more certain about the feeling haha^^ dunnid to give me a time frame jus have to let me know u cfm will tell me can le haha^^ Then we debate on the point of 2mths cos she think its impossible to like know the guy and like somehow get tgt in 2mths. All i did was encourage cos we r jus ppl on the same boat hindered by the same barrier which call the 'weirdness'. Its the when u like some 1 u will feel weird to even ask the person out urself even when naturally as friends the other party will be fine kind. I so totally understand that feeling cos i had that alot in moments concerns Lindy. Oh well wish her luck wif the guy then hope she wont miss the shot the second time. For both of us missed our first shot on the person we loved.

When talking about flying off she suddenly become very emotional. I believe every1 be4 they fly away for long will have to go through the same thing. Its the dun wan go feeling. Esp she brought up the point that although its jus 1 event and we never like talked for the last 3 years we really do have alot in common. Then she went about talking bout other PC ppl oso. In gerneral her point is that after the 1 event we all r no longer strangers i believe. The typical wish that have knew u all earlier kind of talk. I wonder will i do that when its my turn to leave for studies. Seriously she is making me have second tots now suddenly it feels scary.

Plz this last para is for ppl who r thinking weird now. There is seriously nth between us. Here is a theory by my friend actually haha^^ Its science related and that is 'In magnet like pole repels' apply to relationship is ppl too similar repels there is no force of attraction. Oh btw then line now is friends she draw de cos she said gd nite friend at the end of the convo. So yah identity crisis cleared for me i was hesitating to still call her Jie cos so long never call le but well since she drew the line i can conclude it no more identity crisis haha^^ Cool now we r all clear and its jus friends^^ Time now its 6am off to bed for me haha^^

A cup of milk a day..

~~Monday, May 16, 2011~~

2:37 PM

Other than haiz all I can say is still haiz. So dumb of me to not believe my instinct when its accurate most of the time. How is wish I have my bag wif me now roar! This 3 days have been bad. Guess my gd days ended, streak of 3 bad days le. 1 worse than the other. First I have a teammate injured during competition, second I have ppl come stir a whirlpool of burden and frustration in me that took me 1 day to screw it bac. Third I won't mention. Still I refuse to let my mood plunge if the world go against me I will jus go against it bac. I have the entire sky to back me up I won't lose.

Honestly now I dun look forward to anything anymore no point be obsess wif it and feel bad I jus wan to clear up this mess in me. All I need is a piece of paper, suddenly it seem so precious. I have my beloved pencil wif me I jus need paper to write on. I have saved work in my brain that I can do anytime all I need is to write down the results. Its a gd thing to have this brain of mine. It always have multiple plans as things turns bad.

Freaking hungry now>< no supper no breakfast this morning>< All I can say is I'm never going to ignore my instinct ever again I mean NEVER! I freaking ignore it twice and it spoil my day totally. First I woke up I saw breakfast on the table instinct tell me to eat I refused cos I was looking forward to the big meal later. Now have to face consequence of it hunger plus well when a dad buy breakfast and u dun eat it what will happen next, think I dunnid to elaborate. Second coming out of hse instinct say bring bag I refuse again. I even went to my bag and dig out my freaking jacket thinking that's wat I will bring only. Now I dun have what anything to do. Seriously to screw up my day wif my own error and ignorant is no joke I hate this feeling ttm. No mood for anything now.

Plan M: walk to town tour 1 round come bac chinatown jus nice. Shall do that or maybe in the mids of walking I found a piece of paper I can write on then I will go about Plan F.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Sunday, May 15, 2011~~

10:09 PM

Today is rather a tough day for me. I realised i cannot make the same promise to the 2 ppl at the same time. And that promise is commitment. I have made my decision somehow. Im going to give up on my church side. Gonna make my stand. Now i understand what Eliot meant in the show. No matter wat im not going to give up on sth i held on so tight for so long. Well at least now is that promise for the side im giving up is not made yet. Im jus going to make my stand on the day when the promise need to be made.

Honestly im quite offended when some1 made a comment today. My church friend actually TP oso. Well during cca awards he saw PC took quite a few awards. Then today when the bs grp was gathered to talk about the commitment thing, I said i helping CCN on fri for my cca his comment was dunnid help lah u grad liao plus get so many award oso enuf le lah. My face turn black but i never argue anything. What he think I am! I dun join a CCA jus to earn seal point or to get award or wat shit. Honestly i dun even need a freaking award ar a fking achievement to keep me in the CCA plz. Even if i remain crew lvl for my entire 3 years i will still commit to the CCA lor! Its about the passion about the heart not the achievement the awards ok. For christ sake i didnt even get a single award last year cos i wasnt eligible as i fail 1 subject but i never complain a single shit about it. I even went about to help PC do the CCA award for that year plz thats wat drive me and its call PASSION! If u dun understand then screw it, dun come commenting to me bout shits like that.

I like the peacefulness of my church look forward to go to it everyday but kinda as soon as i reached there during weekend it feels not that special anymore like objective met then wat next kind of feeling. Missed 2 weeks of adult fellowship already. More like i dun wan to go cos I still feel weird among all the adults.

Super tired dunno y but yah slept through the afternoon still super tired. Totally off alertness today. Im really that nua until i can jus stone while standing. Dinner wif parents then saw Pris from PC never see her until she like walk up and pop out infront of me calling my name out loud. Damn malu sia. I really stoned><

Well tml only 1 event in my organiser and that is Dim Sum buffet^^ its like more than 1 year never go bac le then tml finally got the chance to go enjoy haha^^ I still can remember the last time i had it is wif 2 bros of mine we eat until so bloated that we wan to output what we eat immediately after the buffet haha xP

A cup of milk a day..

~~Saturday, May 14, 2011~~

6:26 PM

Won't post much bout yesterday though I'm rather frustrated yesterday. Migraine plus doing sth rush doesn't come hand in hand tgt that wat I can say. Anw I have already rant it out le. Thanks to an awesome friend that is willing to listen to my long winded naggy ranting haha xP. I kinda have insomnia last nite cos I'm unable to suppress the migraine so I jus let it loose. Only manage to sleep @6 plus in the morning.

Today work but I feel damn nua its a migraine aftermath thingy. No strength. Plus I woke up to find my right hand's tendon hurting like siao dunno y oso. Suppose to be close to fully heal le leh suddenly hurt. Plus need to carry heavy stuff in my work. I will pull through somehow. I can see a purple vein on my wrist area at where it hurts oso. Think its kinda bad but will jus hack care for now.

Can't wait for tml. Where I can meet the giants again haha^^ looks like absents really do make the heart fonder haha^^ Miss all the awesome church ppl already furthermore I miss my church the feeling of God I felt there that I can feel in none other place.

I think I oso start to miss my freshies oso. Somehow I can't stop thinking bout all of them. They are all fun ppl in their own way. Its a new bunch of ppl added into my life^^ Well nvm will get to see them on thurs haha^^ another day I look forward to int the week upcoming^^

A cup of milk a day..

~~Friday, May 13, 2011~~

1:03 AM

Realise i have been sleeping late recently for different purposes. And somehow its built into me that i cant sleep early anymore. Supper become an essential to me now and dumplings r my favorite.

My repairing process is done i suppose. Now im feeling myself and im all time gd no longer resent myself for what i am. Know I have built quite a bad reputation for some ppl in my past 3 years. Kinda inevitable but im not going to dwell in it and making myself all bad and guilty. Yes there is guilt but its shouldnt be dealt that way neither living in self pity. I will face it haha^^ My past have become jus merely memories now nth more nth less.

I dunno what has got into me that cause me to think its impossible as an option. I believe that time im still quite low as my repairing is jus starting. After today's talk i see the light and picture better. Btw i didnt emo today not a single bit, jus letting what you say sink into my head thats all. I wan to take note of what you say and not jus listen and forget. So dun worry its not ur fault in any way haha^^ All the more i should thank you for letting me see things i have concluded be4 and fail to review after haha^^ All I can say now is im ready believe it or not but i am willing to risk. So will u dare to take a ride wif a devil be4 but an unknown now? Throw away all past and try what its is now?

I really believe ppl that come into ppl's life really have a purpose. I would really like to thank Pauline for being the catalyst in my repairing process^^ I believe God put her in my life for that purpose and it succeed^^ Without knowing her i guess i might still be defining what i have lost in my life stage now. I believe ppl learn faster when seeing themselves in others cos they r an example. Short period of our life cross and its bout time to close the curtain and let her leave for her future. Its really nice knowing her and for being a great friend in such short time.

Once again im in the arms of the great sky i really feel glad^^ its like the sky disown me from the ways im in be4 and now took me bac again. Now I can feel the closeness when i stare into the sky again. Its the same i felt 4 years ago be4 i got disowned. The feeling is like when i look up into the vast sky, it feels like there is a warm airy arm wrap arnd my neck and the hand is resting on my shoulder. Feel like some1 comfortable is there. Sound spooky like some spirit eh well im very certain its not. Its the sky itself^^

Well enuf blogging for the day and its time to go grab my dumpling ramen haha^^ Sleep early tonite cos tml have PC Training its going to be draining again 2hr of full attention to all the dear freshies haha^^ Its like my full attention goes to every1 i interact at 1 go for a duration of 2hr it really drains me out for today's interview but its worth it cos the ppl i interact wif have jus turn from come for nth to promising ppl in commitment to the cca. I mean not to brag but since i have the rapport wif ppl i jus wan to do wat I can for PC but still my hands can only stretch to a certain lenght i cant save everybody. The least is i can save the few. Let the small act effect ripples haha^^

A cup of milk a day..

~~Thursday, May 12, 2011~~

12:47 AM

There is a time for everything. There is a time for every cause and happenings and every1. Some might have a ticking time bomb in their head like mine. Some might be facing things that they wish not to happen. Some might even be waiting silently at some corner for situation favor to strike. Some might jus go with the motion of time. Many possibilities but only 1 factor. Many things happening in the life of ppl arnd me, things i know and things i dun.

Things i observed after i stepping out of the circle im in. Things have become clearer and more logically explained. Considering the emotional factor without getting emotions involved directly. Calculating human errors expecting the result to the next moment. Being critical and skeptical. Im reverting to who I really am. With a focus in life and a greater cause. Removing myself from the circle of everybody i find that i can see every1 better.

1 thing i've learnt is that my hand can only stretch to a certain max length, i cant hold everybody together and tight. I cant over see everybody and care about everything. Being in the circle wif everybody allows me to be like every1 dependent on every1 too but that jus make every1 the same. Having the same problem, having the same issue, talking the same thing without a solution. In short stuck in life. 1 dragging another down in life so all fall to the same lvl, no gain but lost. It like in the end every1 cares bout others but themselves. For it is said that 1 must take care of oneself first be4 taking care of others. Like a doctor must keep himself alive if not how is he going to heal the ppl arnd him. I will now only hold things close within my reach i will grab whatever wat my this 2 hands can grab. I believe small acts can have ripple effects. With the things i do it will help others eventually.

Im seeing a bigger picture now. I realise how dumb i am last time when i said i love everybody and wan to do my best for every1 trying real hard without making much progress end up hurting myself and sometimes others. Im jus doin in at the wrong approach, being too ambitious and didnt overlook the small details. Now all I can say is being ambitious can only get me this far but coming from a humble heart can get you alot further. Depending on ppl in another way.

Really learnt alot recently. More like catch bac what I have lost, things that i once possess. Who says the past me is bad besides me myself. Looking at how vast the sky is jus remind me that I have to continue to get stronger for there is a greater cause awaits me. I finally able to bring myself bac into the vast sky. No longer claim the name of Iceman and what shit. I am who I am and no other identity.

Tonite i have 4 things to research on so i should get going and stop blogging alr haha^^

A cup of milk a day..

~~Wednesday, May 11, 2011~~

12:50 AM

Today is a rest day for me slept till 3 then wake up. Play com wif my little bro count it as spending time wif him ba haha^^ At least today i completed a game that i fail to complete few months bac. Guess all i needed was a hacked map cos the game was created to be single player proof means cannot be completed alone no matter how strong u get.

Sth happen today dunno how to comment on it too. Neither gd nor bad i can say but i dunno how to react to it too. Even my dear friend have no idea on this. But certainly 1 gd thing is my friend have prevented my mood from plunging somehow cos we damn joke pure nonsense all over the conversation. Well we r bac to the super close friend state somehow after i have made sth clear.

Somehow i really wonder which way is it. Cos 2 days ago well i have talked about Lindy again but his time the story is to told to Pauline my best friend now. Another person who dunno about the story. Not the full story jus mainly the feelings. Decided not to be too naggy therefore shorten the whole thing. I believe i mention be4 somewhat we turned cold toward each other for a short period. After telling the story its like today both of us have return to original state haha^^ So my guess is maybe it my fault previously cos im too close wif an unclear line that result in misunderstanding haha^^ glad i have clear in in a very subtle wat well at least thats wat i believed. If not nth can explain the sudden change in the attitude too. Well at least it take 1 to screw everything rite haha^^

1 thing that still cant get through my mind sth my logic cant explain. Somehow human brain is amazing i believe either its that or im going to believe in the other side of the story. Bout a month bac when we jus know each other during ALC she told me she dun remember much about wat happen that nite as in during supper when 4 of us the 3 helpers and fayanne went out to eat at 3am. Fay and me de topic is about 2 girl in my life guess i dunnid to elaborate further. Bits and parcels she remembered to be exact. I have heard the bits and parcels of wat she caught that nite. But tonite she is able to quote wat fay say that nite sth she never mention be4 and i was stun. With abit more poking she remembered everything happen that nite. So its either she caught it sub consciously and things it surface after the poking or she knew it all along but jus hiding and waiting for the thing to be cfm somehow. It will be alittle too coincidental when suddenly like after things r revealed and she jus remember everything. Honestly if its sub conscious it will be an interesting factor to look at haha^^ but its the other side of the story i dunno how to explain liao. Crafty she is, never fail to punch holes into my curiosity each time.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Monday, May 9, 2011~~

11:30 PM

My mood is in a all time high today haha becos of avril lavigne concert^^ Didnt regret goin haha and im proud to say im a avril lavigne fan^^ I know all her songs by lyrics^^ Im physically tired but emotionally hyped up. If im a video game character in a fighting game my energy bar is full charge and can deliver finishing blow to my opponent in an instant haha^^

Was guessing bout what song she will sing today haha^^ Im rite for the first 2 song in sequence haha^^ She intro wif the song Black Star and kick start wif What the hell haha^^ The crowd is moved by her rite from the start of the concert^^

She is super amazing, her energy is like unlimited sia totally rock the house wif her presence^^ She really can draw the atmosphere really expect nth lesser from her haha^^ 1 thing i like about her is her voice can go many tone and she always have this cute end tone for some of her songs haha^^ She is freaking strong too despite her size she lift up her electric guitar wif 1 hand up high and play wif the other hand. We all know the weigh of an electric guitar not saying very heavy but still its off some weigh there and for her to do that is wow haha^^ The concert was freaking awesome and I never expected her to end wif the song Girlfriend sia. It was the encore finale piece and it totally rock the house down its like every1 dun wan it to end neither do i.

1 thing about her that if im the soundman i will not like is that she keep stepping one foot on the stage monitor haha^^ first of all mic too near speaker easy feedback lucky she got In ear monitor so i think the mic is isolated from the stage monitor if not cfm feedback de lor. Second she stand on the stage monitor a couple of times haha^^ Its like win ttm lah if im soundman i will really go what the hell.

The next amazing thing is the Production team haha^^ They rock and first time i see the whole team including stage crew is ang moh haha^^ They really did a great job the light is awesome sound is gd except sometimes abit too sharp. But what im really amaze by is the stage crew, they freaking move out a grand piano and a mic with mic stand under 15sec and its not jus move out to side stage but to center stage. Best of all all i can spot is jus 3 to 4 stage crew involve in total for the whole show. Low manpower efficient work what more can I expect man haha^^ they keep even faster sia the keep part i totally never catch it at all its like black out 5 sec then on bac light the piano is gone and the band started jamming. Imba shit sia.

Feel like posting up all her songs here but well limited space better not haha^^ She sung Stop standing there and be4 she sing that song she made a very enlightening statement. Im wondering y am i jus standing here for i should go for the girl that i really i wan to be wif haha^^ Oh oh and she sing the song Airplane too haha damn cool i like her version of Airplane^^ A couple more song she sung tonite eg. When your gone, He wasn't, Smile, Alice, My Happy Ending, Complicated(my all time favorite), Skater boi, Wish you were here, I Love You. I was hoping she will sing 1 song but never and its my fav song of her new album '4 Real'. The Concert really is great seriously i can really get used to this haha^^ when she next come bac I cfm will go her concert again and when that time come i will bring the person of my love that time to go wif me cos i wont wan to go concert alone ever again><

Plans for tml. Gonna start on my discipline. Need to start training myself already cannot slack off le. Must go jog everyday for which ever day im not working. Also to train up my bball alittle too long never touch then rusty le. Need to polish it up to continue fighting in the bball tournament im in. I decided to go all out in 1 particular match and im so going to win that match. Main aim still is to tan myself bac haha become white again dun like somemore recently so hot good weather to tan instead of complaining weather is hot haha^^ I have high tolerance of heat so it doesnt affect me much.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Sunday, May 8, 2011~~

1:46 PM

I'm highly motivated now. Jus took a walk at suntec well saw a music sch in it actully it exist there for quite sometime le only really go notice it now. They offer keyboard lesson and its like price oso very affordable. Well ppl might say there r better sch out there but I really dun mind placing my trust in this sch. Still I'm waiting for timbre to start their keyboard class if by the time I got the money and timbre still not starting I'm so going to this sch le. Btw they offer free trial too so kinda can see how gd r they oso haha^^

Well somehow I'm being force bac to the lone state somehow. Recently I'm enjoying life but kinda no1 is wif me. I enjoyed alone though I'm happy but not used to not sharing my joy wif ppl. Guess its kinda sth I got too used to in this 3 years. Always wan to share joy wif ppl. Well time for that change. Tml going Avril Lavigne concert alone so going to enjoy it and I really expect nth less from her haha^^ she is so gonna rock the house down^^

Suntec has changed quite abit since my last vist. But the general atmosphere still the same. Like how I used to work events here^^

Somehow due to the shortage of cash I'm scraping headphone from my wan list le. Actually is I sacrifice my headphone to buy my mum the concert tix. So now not going to think bout that wonderful headphone anymore. Maybe I need to scape D90 off the list oso.now all depends on my job. If I can get frequent job to fund my music lesson plus save for D90 then I will buy. Change of plans to the planned trip be4 enlistment well jus going to stay at sg throughout after church camp. Hope miracle will happen that I can get my D90 be4 church camp haha^^ slim chance but I'm willing to do my best to get it^^

Speaking of church camp I'm doom sia. I'm going to camp 8 days straight so not hm for more than 1 week dunno how am I going to tell my mum think she will slaughter me if I tell her. 5 days of church camp and after come bac next day straight is Production Crew Induction Camp(PCIC) so its like plus 3 days equal 8 days. Told my mum bout the church camp le jus haven tell her bout the PCIC yet. Pray hard she won't kill me.

A cup of milk a day..

2:06 AM

Today was eventful. First i found the best mother day present^^ Mum was freaking happy can see from her eye lah esp when i say i branja her accomapany oso which is my aunt cos my dad cant go wif her. Yay finally for once i make her happy instead of worry or sad haha^^ Now when i fuse family into my life hm jus feel so much warmer. First went movie wif my lil bro second now brought a gd mothers day present and then start talking to day bout life oso we share our insight bout different things^^

Me and my dad is like laughing now bout the result we talking bout aljunied haha^^ had fun talking to him^^ now the next 1 to talk to is my uncle i have a very fun uncle in malaysia that i really wan to talk to i should find 1 weekend go in and find him myself and chit chat for 1 full day until we content haha^^

Today watch fast and furious wif my bros haha long time never meet oso le for the first time we never talk about girls in our life haha^^ Going kbox soon wif them though haha^^ looking forward to it^^

Tml church then go work then go hm rest hope i dun sleep in service tml though im really very tired now. I shall try stupid thing tml to keep myself awake.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Saturday, May 7, 2011~~

4:45 PM

The story book I'm reading now really speaks of how I feel towards some1 now.

'There had been a moment there between us, some kind of hovering opportunity, but goddamnit, I'd missed it somehow.

Still, it was nice hearing her voice. Not as nice as seeing her face, but almost. She was a gd friend, good for a laugh, and good-looking. All good, in my book. I felt like we'd known each other for two years instead of jus weeks.'

Quote from the book and only changed 2 words out of the whole text.

Y am I thinking this all of a sudden I oso dunno. Reading my book halfway and this came up. Is it really that I like her. I dunno but all the more I'm certain is she won't like me for sure therefore no point thinking oso. Friends will do jus fine for us I deeply believe. All I can do is jus care for her now nth more nth less.

Alrite shall go bac and read my book le.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Friday, May 6, 2011~~

11:11 PM

Booya!!! Having fun wif life haha^^ Loving my job being a free man and all haha^^ Nth in the last 3 year beat this man haha^^ Jus doin wat i like and wan in life and nth else interfere me or matters haha^^ I do what I wan when I feel like it^^

Well haven start my new job yet but cfm it fall from heaven le haha^^ Jus met new boss and my gut feeling tell me im goin to have so much fun working wif him haha^^ Oh and I officially quit my coffee job le haha^^

Gonna start enrolling to instrument lessons as soon as i settle down on my new job know the event schedule first. Inspired by Lawrence haha got 3 instrument i wan to learn Bass, E.Guit and the main goal Keyboard if got extra time will be drum haha^^ Main priority is Keyboard then followed by E.Guit^^ I wan to be an all rounder haha^^ Kinda regret y i never pick it up earlier. Well i believe there is a time for everything haha^^ Maybe now then its my time^^

Honestly I know im rite that this is my true hm. But i took 1 big round jus to end up hm. All becos of 1 person haiz. Last nite when i tell the story to my friend I realise i actually runaway from hm for so long and kinda for nth oso. Well in a sense that 1 big round helped. I found my passion and i gained my skill so i guess there is really a time for everything nth to regret about oso. Telling that story once again really bring bac feelings :( Somehow i jus conclude she is jus 1 thing that i can never remove from my life no matter wat. I jus cant let her go no matter wat no matter how much i believe i have got over her but always find its way to bounce bac at me. Really wif her in my heart all other jus seem so insignificant not that i wanted it but i jus cant help myself but feel this way.

Oh my god so unexpected, tml meeting sis for lunch its been really like months since i last saw her haha^^ So much to catch up on yo haha^^ So excited to see my sis^^ I cant wait for tml to hurry come sia work 3 hrs get 50 dollar pay and get to meet sis such flexible timing in life that i can accommodate everything into my tight schedule its jus awesome^^ Im a busy man but not neglecting impt ppl in my life feels good^^ How i wish my life can stay like this forever^^

A cup of milk a day..

3:29 PM

Going to quit my current job for a better job. Now the prob is dunno how do i tell my manager.

Im still considering if i should go avril lavigne concert or PC freshie interview. Now seriously miracle aint happening i accept the fact that i jus go alone. I really dun wan to miss her cos if i missed it this time i dunno when will she be bac to sg again.

Now im very confident that her special some1 doesnt refer to me haha becos its proven. Make me more curious wondering who the person is.

Last nite was talking to an old friend. Not very close in the past but i believe after yesterday we r consider close now. We talked about church and ppl haha and the irony is we have story directly opposite of each other haha^^

The story we r involve concern only ppl from 1 family haha^^ both involve like but is the opposite direction. Well for me is I like the sister, but for my friend is the brother of the sister like my friend. I believe not many will know who im talking about here haha^^ Nvm thats not the end both of us sort of bitch about a common friend we know oao haha^^ finally i found some1 on the same frequency as me on the same person haha^^

My friend jus reminded me that sunday is mother's day and the shitty thing is i forgot about it and arranged work on that day>< Im doom though i never do things for her every year like eg last year i oso forgot but previous year i did sth. My friend hear le commented im a workaholic><

A cup of milk a day..

~~Thursday, May 5, 2011~~

5:26 PM

As of yesterday is the end of my happy streak. It last for 5 days though haha^^ but I told myself even when I'm not exactly happy I will not let my mood plunge. New job fall from heaven oso. So I jus need to pull through this few days of boredom.

Jialat ar jus how far this go sia. Last nite heard from Fayanne the CO is like gossiping bout me and sis>< and it has been going on for quite awhile jialat ar. This is not gd to heard. I dun wan to lose a gd friend becos of gossips. Kinda like spreading like wildfire now oso.

Still I dunno who the freaking person is>< Curiosity run like mad for 3 days already. Till a point I dun even dare to ask her out now cos dunno when she wan to meet the person now trying to lure the info leak but using a certain tactic. I know for sure the some1 isn't me that's y I wan to know who. Y am I so certain becos there isn't the spark and the way she treat me very normal really jus like friends is like with or without me oso no effect on her life kind. In fact recently I believe we kinda turning colder toward each other oso so therefore I can safely say its not me haha^^ finally I can prove ppl wrong for once^^ but Jialat ar my curiosity really causing me to scheme now. I might need help to turn bac gd after I achieve my goal through this evil means haha^^

A cup of milk a day..

1:38 AM

Day 2 of intro workshop last day oso. I somehow regret i never teach. I act as freshie again today but lesser fun. Tag team wif shu han. Manage to play wif freshie today but i can only grab hold of a handful of them but how i wish i can grab hold of them all.

I really dying to go Avril Lavigne concert. Please can God drop a miracle to me please let some1 go wif me.

Sianz think last week is not sickness miracle heal lor is i numb liao then now it cap the max suppression lvl and break out le. Im 2x more sick than last week now and i think i can concuss anytime and wont wake up for 36 hrs at least. I seriously need a doctor now.

My mind blank le and its 2am now will elaborate more when my brain is bac online.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Wednesday, May 4, 2011~~

12:10 AM

Had fun at PC Introductory Workshop^^ Fun being a freshie in disguise xP scam ppl like free like this. Remember wat Nate Ford said in last epi of Leverage season 3 ' All you need to do is to let the crowd believe in the same lie for the same 10 mins and it will be fixed' Well proven rite^^ Freshies all believe im a freshie and when i revealed my identity they all cant seem to accept it haha^^ Esp 1 freshie totally got embarrassed cos she is like trying to engage me as i post as a lonely person never come wif friend jus come becos i have interest in this area of work so like kinda like a lonely emo kid in his own world xP Sth im gd at doin oso haha^^

She really try very hard to engage me and she is damn noisy wif her clique then she is dumbfounded when i revealed identity. So fun haha^^ she is like totally cannot face me cos she is too embarrassed bet she still cant let it go even until now haha^^ In short she jus self pwn herself but is really the unexpected and caught by surprise kind not the yong siang blur kind haha^^ really had fun and every1 really work very well to keep my cover haha^^ Im evil somehow but i cannot hold bac my playful nature ar haha^^

Best part i think is she cannot believe i change into another person haha^^ from emo lonely person who dun talk much to a lively guy laugh and smile and know every 1 in PC change too drastic haha^^

Tml another fun day gonna be freshie for the first 1/2 hr again haha^^ then later at the station i suddenly transform into a senior and start teaching they sure all stun again haha^^

Sianz my curiosity still bugging me sia>< Hate it y she had to post it up sia make me curious only>< Post schedule only mah y need to mention will have time for a special some1 sia>< make me curious who is the person only. Best of this is keep dun wan tell me keep my curiosity hanging. Then the person from where oso dun wan tell at least hint abit mah. My curiosity is really killing me sia. Like i heard most bout her everyday life but not even 1 day she mentioned any guy or watsoever then suddenly there is this special some1 i really damn curious sia like there r still things i dunno like this>< stupid sis hide secret from me then arouse my curiosity when from day 2 she already know my curiosity cannot be mess wif de lor cos i wont stop thinking until i get the anwswer de lor. Ahhhh still post on blog big big for me read ahhhh crap lah hope she will tell me soon my curiosity is wanting my life already dunno how many cats die already. For ppl who r reading disclaimer here i wan to know not becos i like her it jus purely my freaking curiosity wont let me go>< ppl who know me will know how bad my curiosity is and the longer it hang the worse it get like i can devour the whole book of knowledge if there is 1.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Monday, May 2, 2011~~

11:04 PM

This is chapter 2 the story jus begun. Looks like since the last time when i say the story that started a few months bac had progressed. I had concluded the end of prologue be4 now im declare the end of chapter 1 and the begin chapter 2.

Chapter 1 marks end of emotion desires and needs i suppose. Somehow 1 person in my life ended it for me everything and mark the fullstop in the chapter. The person is none other than my new found sis^^ she really reminded me alot of myself of who i really am and what i can do. I can say somehow im inspired by myself xP Actually is by my stronger self xP Im quite surprise of how much i have degenerated. Well at least i picked myself up again. When my focus is all on emotions, clinging and relying on ppl really make me forget the feeling of independence. Im finally able to define the root cause of everything that leads to degeneration already. It actually all begin when i decide to bring myself down to be like everybody else. Well kinda i succeed in doing it but oso succeed in burying myself in troubles everybody faced. Emotions sure r killers and blinding oso.

Chapter 2 jus begin with gd start. Freed from all chains. Realise how many awesome ppl arnd me and a new given purpose. Really i realise there is alot of awesome ppl in my church and few r ppl i know for quite some time but only now then i know what they r capable off. Example Lawrence he really amaze me wif his skill, im so learning from him. Have alot more respect than be4 for him now^^ Many church ppl starting to know me oso and they r really all loving ppl even the intimidating person is a nice guy. Long story but my first impression of a particular church adult is kinda intimidating but i can recognise his care language now and i really appreciate it. I know he really cares. Ppl in my church really r able to display what i said be4 bout a year plus be4, care ppl out of a true really caring heart. They r all strong ppl. New goal is to be a guy wif multi talent once again, Jacks of all trades. Be ahead of alot ppl once again. Chapter 2 is going to be a great chapter but a busy 1 oso. Well at least i got wat i wan^^ First is commando second im going to start learning instrument like finally and i think im ambitious im thinking to learn multiple instrument already haha^^ Step by step but well let the plan start now^^ Main aim is till to keep myself happy and active^^

I really living a shiok life now feel really like holiday sia. Over the weekend worked slack job earn big cash and enjoy life while working can even go out eat bout 2 hrs then come bac oso nobody care best of all is still get pay haha^^ Today enjoy life oso^^ Woke up late afternoon -> watch Thor -> watch tv(Human Target and Fringe)-> spam avril lavinge new songs again^^ shiok life. I think Fringe is amazing haha and i first watch it somehow becos its after Human Target now it become part of my monday nite show already. Thor is great and funny too haha^^ Watch wif Joseph, Yong Siang and my little bro^^

No1 free to go avril lavigne concert wif me i very de sad. Guess i jus have to miss it. Few ppl i've asked none of them wans cos its too ex in their opinion though they like avril lavigne song :( I really dun wan to go alone :( Will miracle happen? Will some souls come tell me they r free and dun mind go wif me? I really believe very hard in miracle will happen i really wan to watch the concert.

A cup of milk a day..

~~Sunday, May 1, 2011~~

8:41 PM

I'm enjoying life now^^ gd job gd pay very slack and flexible^^ Today is a very wonderful day everything went well except 1 thing haha^^

Sound ministry today is awesome^^ first day bac serving and its super great, and super efficient how my church work in a sense by rite yesterday is jus go down see see end up I start serving instantly^^ today's sound was awesome Lawrence praise me^^ sound today I can say improve for service but I think the ppl dun feel it haha^“

After service went serangoon find pauline for lunch^^ amazing how we can jus have 1/2hour lunch tgt^^ really we r ppl who r damn alike in character^^ we can jus rush a half hour lunch and enjoy the meeting^^ seriously I can honestly say I really like her but as a close friend and gd friend^^ So ppl out there dun get me wrong ok its not a love thingy and certainly she is not my new target or anything so plz stop disturbing me.

Rush to work cos freaking boss change time to 3 then end up I cab down and end up I finish set up by 4 and slack till 630 really scam sia>< worst mistake made today.

My work uber slack can go out eat 1 1/2 hour then go bac^^ good pay earned 150 over the week end^^

A cup of milk a day..

12:59 AM

Avril Lavigne song is really amazing really love her song ttm. Im really a fan of her totally love her voice ttm^^ Heart meltz awwwww><

Now im even more tempted to go her concert i dun mind spending the cash the only thing is need to get a plus 1 to go watch wif me still dun wan to go alone. I dun mind paying for extra tix as long as the person appreciate avril lavgine^^ somehow i think i got the perfect candidate to jio le but dunno how am I going to ask the person oso giving he person's character treating isnt an option at all cfm tio reject de>< Still plotting hope a plan come up soon need to grab the tix soon.

A cup of milk a day..