Jun Wei.
Joseph.
Li Xin.
Emily.
TPPC.
Wai Hong.
Gerald.
Constance.
Daryl.
Daven.
Li Wei.
Marcus Chua.
Marcus Lay.
Samantha.
Shu Han.
Tzyy Wei.
December 2008 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 April 2012
The lighning outside my window is disturbing but i jus cant help but staring into the deep sky. Heavy thoughts have clouded my life. Depress over many things. Infact its jus 1 chain to another. My heart is feeling rather heavy like there is tonnes of weigh tied down to it. My life has turned heavy. Hope the bright sun will rise soon and remove this dark feeling in my life. I dun wan to feel down. Guess im jus tired ba. Will be ok after i take a break from things i suppose. The week hasnt been gd both physically and esp mentally. Physical is due to tough training, totally insane training. Well at least now is better as its kinda like what i expected in commandos not the typical slack life i live through BMT. Really improved alot more over the pass 1 week than what i have in the pass 3 months. Gd thing for my physical i suppose, i really hope things like this work for the mind oso. Sadly it doesnt. Guess i have been put through great emotional stress recently. Now i really am scare. Literally scare, scare of another bombing of emotional matters. Esp when all this bombing comes untimely and often unexpected, it always catch you when you r least prepared. How i wish i can be more prepared for it everytime it happens. I really wan to be able to take everything and really support but guess after the recent serial bombing im still not strong enuf. Reaching my limit alr, need a break after the break i will come back stronger. Having seroius money issue. Unexpected bomb dropped wiped out my entire bank balance. Now it pathetically left 1 dollar. Really hope next pay day will come sooner. Really very broke now. Let see if my money will come bac even the by smallest amaont oso ok at least i will have sth to survive on. Never in my life i have been so broke be4 this is really the first time. Hope this dark period will end soon. I swear i will never become so broke ever again.
Well without the block leave it seems like i didnt POP at all. Tonite im going bac in to that shithole. Without the block leave oso have create quite the trouble for me. Have been stress like hell for different things for the pass 1 week its really hell ttm. Though i do not wish to think this way but im starting to hate ppl alr, my bunk mates esp. Out of this stress comes alot of disappointment though it may not appear to others this way but it sure do affect me alot. My mum is rite i never get wat i really wan in life, well mainly on the big things. Im super disheartened when a certain result was release. Even though that happen i still have to smile my way through so not to show my weakness in front of others in any way. Im really very sad and depress dun any1 know it? Dun the ppl who r close to me knows how i will feel? :( Y is there no1 out there even try to understand me. Am i really so detestable or am i jus disposable? Pass 9 weeks I have to keep self motivate my self through everything without any support. Im really tired seriously i am. Every week come out jus to get lesser and lesser each week to go bac in now im emptied. Look on the bright side at least im not at the negative range yet but maybe soon enuf. Im seriously very empty and tired. I really hope i can hold onto sth but i have none to hold. Im tired to meet ppl's need and expectations cos it left me with nth. Every1 jus take a piece of me but who is there to top me up so that i can be taken by ppl. In camp oso got problem out of camp oso have problem what difference does it make. Im not emo but im really dying to grab a support rite now cos i seriously know i need 1 now. I jus wan to get wat i wan sometimes is it really that hard to give me what i wan? Am i so hard to pleased. I feel like i dun even have my stand anymore now every1 jus step over my head.
POP lor!!! Actually i dun care about it at all. To me its nth special without some impt ppl other than my family around, It would actually memorable for me if those impt ppl some were to appear. This week is a rough week for me. Very rough even rougher than every other week i have stayed in army. Supoosingly this week should be the slackest and most easy going. I agreed on the itenery part but not the ppl in it. I really hate the ppl in my bunk now. Its a unexplainable kind of hate. Alot of things happen this week. Abit too much for me to comprehend. 'Every1 take a little piece of me and i will be nth left, so when im empty to whom can i take from?' I asked myself this. Honestly im pretty dishearten and depress now. But there r things that i cant really share to any1 cos no1 will understand. I am really tired both physically and mentally. How i wish i will have a channel that i can release all the shits.