Wasnt in any gd mood this few days. Wat do i actually care about. Wat my true self wans!!! I hate life. What is time to me i see no purpose in things dun even have a single goal now. Can i jus die and see wat interesting on the other side.
Overwritten by thoughts. Do any1 notice? Do any1 noes? But nvm at the end of the day still wats impt is only i noe cos its my own tots nth to wif other ppl. let them jus get on wif life ba i shall stop hindering ppl.
My brain is very confuse now. Tell me y i have to lose my purpose lose my goal at this instant. Smashed into smitterings again. How many time do He have to shatter this heart then He will be sastisfied.
Im so lost now. No1 sees my heart no one noe where my heart is place. Im so lost that im afraid to keep walking. I hate it!!! They give all this uncertainty, dishonesty and feelings. A guy without purpose is like a walking zombie. Maybe thats y i cant die cos im already dead.
A cup of milk a day..
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
6:16 PM
Its been long since i blogged. Recently reducing the amount of time i spend on com. Dun noe wat im thinking bout not so gd things have been happen occuring recently not say bad but jus sth i dun wan it to happen.
Breaking of bond can only result 1 thing i suppose. I never felt this feeling for a long time le. Looks like the instict cant be change. When 1 felt betrayed the simple way out is to ask what the True Self really wants. I came upon this statement upon watching a show. I began to ask myself wat is my true self. Naturally Ice is the first thing came into my mind. After touring over such a big round I only came to realise 1 thing ppl changes and no 1 cares wats around them for those who cares r fools i suppose cos im being make to feel like 1. I had enuf of trying. I think its time that i give up. Jus like scientist when 1 hypothesis is being proven wrong give up an approach from another angle.
Care and being trampled. Proven that it occurs 70% of the time. Dun think the feeling is nice at all, patience is the thing that have sustain me up till now. I end up jus being a bad friend a bad person in other ppl's sight. Whats wrong by looking into the cup and say its half empty instead of half filled. Noe the lack and fill it up isnt it better than sastisfy by jus half filled. Improve.
I hate small actions behind my bac. If wan to do make it visible.
Letting my tots run in its way waiting to find sth i wan to find. 1 thing i wan to noe. Let it be revealed to me and i will noe wat to do from there on. The second layer of Ice wall have been built waiting for the final third layer to be lay when the answer comes.
A cup of milk a day..
Thursday, January 7, 2010
2:39 AM
Today alot of interesting thing has happen. I realise that i shouldnt stay stagnent. I realise i have reached my peak in PC there is not much rm for me to grow anymore. Jus now when the external vendor came I realise im still very noob in this area of industry. I need more experience in big events. I had enuf on the side of fundation le. Today rally very very happy not jus becos rehersal went well but i learn alot of new things from the external vendor^^ That wat I really need. Ppl to correct my mistake give me more rm to improve.
Jus now have a nice chat wif the new friend I made. She is in my cds still find it amazing how i got encourage out of no where haha^^ Whats more amazing is that she wanted to set up an event company at organising event side whereby i wan to start a company for production side. Talked over the topic for super long haha long time never find ppl that can chat wif me like that le on equal level. Agreed on alot of points and exchange views bout events industry. Learn new things oso^^ The best part is that she have an ability that im absolutely weak at haha.
Well now maybe if 1 thing happen i might reconsider the decision that i have made. Picked up my pride, let Me triumph over everything again my way. Never forget the spirit that once had when i got that name. All problem will be no problem.
A cup of milk a day..
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
12:52 AM
1 thing straight i cant understand ppl and ppl cant understand me thats for sure. Im jus weird ok WEIRD!!! Happy? So this is wat im expected to be. Im jus problematic and ppl jus hate me. Im a bad friend every1 give me that feeling even they didnt say. Wats wrong to care.
Im uber freaking sad and angry today yet who reads that signal im sending. Sad is that im useless im helpless against situations and i noe i have the capability yet dunno y i cant resolve it. I let my crew get scold i didnt get a gd welfare for my crew. I let every1 down.
Hell im angry cos nth go well at all. Everything is screwed up since day 1. Day 2 worse, dunno wat is install for day 3. Everyday i had irresponsible ppl ps show. Lacking of manpower then SDO still find trouble wat the hell sia. Then i jus bring hurt to ppl. Becos of me alot happened.
Now I got more work to do. Where my heart is now. Bruise knuckle and bleeding joint this is wat i get again. Has the layer of ice come bac yet. The world is forcing me to walk bac the old path that i once walked. First thing first i need to clear up my own mess the seed that i have scatter i have to uproot all the problem.
UR MOST HATED ICEMAN IS BACK
A cup of milk a day..
Friday, January 1, 2010
3:52 AM
Well its new year. Jus wan to sum up some gd and bad for the past year be4 i commence the start of my new year. Let start wif the Good, able to accomplish my responsibility throughout the year. Noeing there is great friends around me. Really have great laughter when hanging out wif them. Tolerating my lameness and laugh tgt bout the silly things. My stress is really release alot. Jus receive a watch from my friends, it was kinda unexpected but im really very very happy^^
The rest all goes to the bad now. Thing r pretty screwed up in my life. For some1 who fail at his own weakness is jus weak to the max and that person is me. I jus feel uber sad where i cant even set the things rite. Well wat for keep saying yet its kinda hopeless. Wat for alot of things is done yet nth felt accomplished. Im Tired. The feeling is like a desolated shadow. Bac to the point i have end another year accomplish nth that i wan to. The reconsiliation when will it come?
Will I still be souless or will i regain my soul this upcoming year? Im still waiting and hoping and the feeling hasn't fade the slightest bit but grew. The some1 of importance will it come true? My resolution is same as always. Overflowing Passion.
