Once again concluded that memories r super painful. Well a close friend of mine today jus triggered sth very bad in my mind unknowingly. He is like saying sth occur in his life in sec sch that changes his fate and spoils his life alittle. Well it jus directly shoot me bac into the times where he had mention maybe abit more earlier then the time he mention. How i wish i can change fate too that i haven met a certain person in BB (Boys Brigade) and how i wish i never got into that cca then i wont get close to the affliated church and i wont noe HER. Becos of all this i have end up suffering. Buried myself wif inhuman workload wif objective to numb myself and it works but slowly i have lost myself too no longer have any purpose wandering arnd aimlessly only noe im tired but for wat i dunno. There is a saying i heard be4 is that the things that u r doing now for others r the thing that u desired. In my case think wat i really need is some1 who can heal my broken heart. First i turn to my CGL but its hopeless, somemore i joined another church the 1 that BB guy brought me to. Im dun go chuch doesn't mean i reject God, is i sense no unity in the ppl who believe in him.

Im kinda attracted to the ppl who r like me, cos i feel that im able to understand their feeling and they will understand mine too. Wif an aim to aid ppl and the ability for them to help me too i failed and hurt some ppl along the way. Think 1 who cant help themselves cant help others i suppose. Memories jus fly pass me of how ppl who started out as friends turn out to be strangers in the end. Till date my heart has not heal not the slightest. Still i must stand strong, awaiting for a person that will really be able to heal me to appear in my life ba.