Emotions has been like stock market. Ups and down non stop. Overwhelm by uncertainty. All I wan and ever wan now is u nth more nth less. Call me crazy but its true. Hope isnt enuf for me now. I wan more certainty. I cant wait for time to pass faster to that i can do more things to increase the percentage of certainty. Im afraid of losing that is for sure. Though its the first time im doin this, im ready to give all out. The most shittiest thing is becos of the deeds past i have drill this in to become the highest level at my first attempt.

Screw myself for it but I wont give up. This is going 1 of the most toughest thing i hold in my life that i will not let go even if i die. I vow to do everything i can no matter wat. Its a vow im goin to keep even if i have to crash and burn to nth is left.

What i this that im willing to go all crazy. All i know is im in deep state of being haywire now. All my logic and priority is screwed big time. Things i held on tight be4 has no value to me now. I have lost my pride what is left is only sheer passion that is allowed to continue grinding. There is only 1 purpose in my life now. That is all i care now. All i wan is things will go bac jus like how it used to be in the past except that i will be better this time.