I'm going berserk. I need my main stream goal to come bac. I keep drifting in and out of the 'true' me. The 1 wif the strong aura. I know y sort of ppl notices me today. Cos when I leave hm I had a uber strong aura that disturbs other ppl. But it die off as soon as I met the some1 I'm suppose to meet. Dun wan to affect that person wif the best of me. Turning my aura bac to sth like a gentle flame. It burns but soft.

I need to know how long can I hold my best of best self. In the past I can hold it 24/7 now I dunno. As soon as I lost my motivation the hard flames r gone. So I need my focus bac. I really missed the time when I can feel my surrounding well. That feeling is awesome I dun have to worry bout a single thing. I think I really will need it in ns.

Sth is bugging me. I'm having security problems now. A lot of factors involve. But I think I know what is the killer factor. Its really a killer it can determine if I will love or hate some1. Now I have to keep it in control, eradicate it if necessary. But eradicating will have the same result as manifestaion. I won't allow it to manifest and if possible I won't need to eradicate it if not it will jus bring hurts to some1.