How in the world i wish i wont need to come here at all. Sigh this place truly is my dumping ground there is no way i can live without it now. I believe it has 3 year in its history alr.

Life hasnt been nice to me lately. Things aint going quite well. Im in the army now. Its not that im unable to take the training and what not. Is i cant take the ppl. It feels really sucky that ppl use words of insult as jokes. I really hate that feeling. This feeling can be trace all the way bac to 5 years ago. When i really start to hate ppl. Never think that i will have to take this path again. Though im strong that time jus by living alone independently but i dun wish to go through it again. Im really tired of that life. Simply no1 understand wat i have go through. No1 knows how i feels. Thats y ppl only give me the superficial answer without understanding the hurt that lies deep inside.

Stress level is shooting beyond the limits of comprehension now. Honestly i dunnid ppl tell me wat to do. Sometimes solution jus make things worse. Maybe what i do need is jus alittle more understanding and heartfelt encouragement thats all. All i need is some emotional support and i know i can go alot further wif that. There r standards i need to meet now in camp and im stressed big time over it. If i dun meet any of those i wont be able to go into the vocation i wan. Physical test is alot harder than acadamic its not sth that u can study and do well. Need to train alot harder for it. Wed is live firing alr, i must get marksman best is to get top gun.

Today we got forced to eat our dinner straight after intense physical training. Typical me is i cfm cannot eat after exercise i will puke for sure. But bo bian have to at least take the food so ate only a few mouthful and pour the rest away. Hoping to get after book out but failed. Anw no appetite oso lah so jus skip this meal and wait for breakfast or sth. Life really suk at times when headache comes at the very wrong timing. It hurts alot now and at times when im stress and pretty down i really dun mind banging wall hard a couple of times. Though i had headaches in camp but this is the first time in months that i had a level 9 headache. Curse and swear ttm. i can really grab my head and roll on the floor nonstop now. To top it all im having cough as well and every cough i make its like poking nails into my head. Truly terrible. Hope i will be well tml.