The lighning outside my window is disturbing but i jus cant help but staring into the deep sky. Heavy thoughts have clouded my life. Depress over many things. Infact its jus 1 chain to another. My heart is feeling rather heavy like there is tonnes of weigh tied down to it. My life has turned heavy. Hope the bright sun will rise soon and remove this dark feeling in my life. I dun wan to feel down. Guess im jus tired ba. Will be ok after i take a break from things i suppose. The week hasnt been gd both physically and esp mentally. Physical is due to tough training, totally insane training. Well at least now is better as its kinda like what i expected in commandos not the typical slack life i live through BMT. Really improved alot more over the pass 1 week than what i have in the pass 3 months. Gd thing for my physical i suppose, i really hope things like this work for the mind oso. Sadly it doesnt. Guess i have been put through great emotional stress recently. Now i really am scare. Literally scare, scare of another bombing of emotional matters. Esp when all this bombing comes untimely and often unexpected, it always catch you when you r least prepared. How i wish i can be more prepared for it everytime it happens. I really wan to be able to take everything and really support but guess after the recent serial bombing im still not strong enuf. Reaching my limit alr, need a break after the break i will come back stronger. Having seroius money issue. Unexpected bomb dropped wiped out my entire bank balance. Now it pathetically left 1 dollar. Really hope next pay day will come sooner. Really very broke now. Let see if my money will come bac even the by smallest amaont oso ok at least i will have sth to survive on. Never in my life i have been so broke be4 this is really the first time. Hope this dark period will end soon. I swear i will never become so broke ever again.