Dunno when it started... I've become numb, very numb. I no longer feel much emotions and my view of things has changed. Do not wan to care too much do not wan to know much. Im all stress up and have lost track of myself. Sometimes I find it really nice to not know anything. Somehow ignorant is bliss haha.

I dun wan to know myself. I wan to runaway. Runaway from all the pain and problem. I've lost my fighting spirit, i no longer hope. No confident in things that has to be done by me. Where has my skill and confident goes y do i not even trust myself now. Set back after set back jus remind me how i have deprove. Distractions use to avoid the problem didnt last long be4 they turn into problem too. The me now will only disappoint ppl if they were to entrust me sth. Too many mistake i've made so far.

Jus awhile ago im actually having flashbacks to the time when im still poly year 1, the times when i jus learn sound. The times when im allow to make mistakes when nth have to meet the standard yet. Oso dunno since when meetings standards become an essential in life. Carrying all sorts of load on my shoulder.

Of these few months the only thing im still happy about is that i manage to do sound for a couple of times and its sth im still gd at and enjoy doing at least. I really missing sound badly I really really miss it. Really dont mind doing it even when im stress at least it give a sense of achievement.